Profile for Claire Zulkey

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Light Yogurt Is Not Dessert

Jezebel is reporting that Yoplait is pulling some ads after complaints have been rolling in that the women in the ads echo the inner monologues of people with eating disorders.

I don’t want to get into that (except to say I really wish the whole planet could get past the concept of “I ‘deserve’ to eat this or that”–we don’t really ‘deserve’ anything, food-wise, except maybe food that isn’t smeared with fecal matter) but I do want to say it’s about time Yoplait is being brought to the floor for another reason: their commercials give the impression that dessert flavored yogurt is as good as dessert, and that is simply not true. Keep reading »

The Wedding Dos And Don’ts That You Can’t Get Married Without

One thing I learned before I got married is that nobody loves to talk about weddings more than women who just got married. They’ll grab on to any socially acceptable opportunity to relive their experiences. Now, I’m one of those women who’s full of tips on how to get through your wedding day. One day, maybe you can pass a few of these dos and don’ts on to the next girl when you go to blab about your wedding. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Babies Can Wait Until After My College Reunion

A few years ago, I jokingly declared that I would refrain from reproducing until after my 10-year college reunion. That way, I said (again, facetiously, although of course I’d be lying if there weren’t a tiny grain of vain truth to all this hilarious jokery), I wouldn’t have to worry about losing baby weight or having to remain sober as the Georgetown Class of 2001 reconvened. It wouldn’t be a concern whether some liquor might damage Junior, or Junior’s breast milk supply, and my 100 percent hot, completely flawless body would remain pristine until that date and, obviously, if everything went according to my imaginary plan, everyone would say, “Oh there’s Claire — she looks so great!” (Anyone who’s seen “Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion” knows this is Goal #1, with actual success to brag about being Goal #2, and perhaps having fun and seeing people you like being a distant #3.) Keep reading »

The Obamas Are Bringing Sexy Back To Marriage

I’m a big fan of the old “Thin Man” movies from the 30′s and ’40′s. If you haven’t seen them, they’re about Nick Charles, a wry and debonair detective who enjoys martinis, solving convoluted murder plots, and spending time with his lanky wife Nora. I can take or leave the murder mystery element of the films; what I really love are Nick and Nora as a couple. They have a certain rapport that you don’t see between a man and a woman in too many movies, past or present. Nora isn’t just standing around breathlessly, waiting to be taken care of, nor is she rolling her eyes at Nick’s antics, waiting for him to hurry up and grow up. They tease each other, are interested in each other, seem attracted to each other, and occasionally like to get soused together. Who (apart from teetotalers) wouldn’t like to have this type of relationship with his or her partner? I watched a DVD extra on “The Thin Man” after I bought the box set and a commenter put it perfectly into words: “‘The Thin Man’ made marriage look sexy.’” Keep reading »

Wife With A Life: The Unexpectedly Sucky Parts of Newlywed Life

The first year of marriage is the hardest, I’d been told many times by my friends. While I wasn’t sure if I was prepared for the uncertain road that lay ahead, I certainly felt like I’d gotten fair warning and couldn’t expect to be surprised by the challenges that would come once I entered marriage. Once the wedding is over, it’s the two of you, making a life together, and that’s not easy for anyone.

So, I felt ready to encounter squabbles and misunderstandings and the taking-for-granted that comes when you know someone really well and expect to be around them for a long time. When something came up, I could tell myself, “OK, this is normal.”

But there were some other parts of newlywed life that bummed me out, stuff that I never thought would have mattered to me … until it did. Keep reading »

Wife With A Life: Pre-Cana Is A Mixed Blessing

Before my husband and I could have a Catholic wedding, we had to attend Pre-Cana. It’s like Driver’s Ed. for engaged Catholic couples. In theory, it’s a great idea. Couples are counseled en masse on a wide-range of topics, including compatibility and conflict resolution within marriage, the theological meaning of marriage, and Catholic rules couples might like to follow (like those regarding birth control). But we weren’t too excited about the prospect of our Pre-Cana. Keep reading »

Wife With A Life: How I Learned To Quit Worrying And Love My Honeymoon

I was pissed when my uncle announced at our rehearsal dinner, “You know you’re taking your honeymoon during hurricane season, right?” Well, duh! But it was my honeymoon, which meant that everything was destined to be perfect. Unless a certain relative opened up his yap and jinxed it all. Which is exactly what happened. That’s right, I’m blaming Uncle John, not seasonal weather systems moving through the Caribbean, for Hurricane Omar ruining my honeymoon. Keep reading »

Wife With A Life: The Greed And The Glory Of The Wedding Gift Registry

There are plenty of perks to getting married: the attention, the made-for-you gown, the whole life-partner thing. But the presents are pretty sweet, too. Registering for gifts can seem like more fun than an adult female should legally be allowed to enjoy. Basically, it’s like catalog shopping, only there’s a good chance someone will buy the items that you dreamily dog-ear. Plus, with those little UPC-code readers and the Interweb, it couldn’t be easier. But beware: The gift registry is a source of hidden stress and trauma. So before you go apes*** in the home department of Bloomingdales, there are some wedding registry traps to be on the lookout for: Keep reading »

Wife With A Life: Our First Christmas

After almost six years, a wedding, and a house, there aren’t a whole lot of “firsts” left for my husband and me. In a few weeks, we’re adopting our first pet. When we have some spare money, I hope someday we can take our first trip to Europe. Maybe one day we’ll have our first child. But in the meantime, one of those rare “firsts” is coming up, and it’s our first Christmas as a married couple. It also happens to be the first Christmas I’ll spend away from home. Keep reading »

Wife With A Life: How I Learned To Not Be A Bridezilla

There was one point during my wedding-planning process that I was afraid I was losing my mind and becoming what I feared and hated most — the bridezilla. Keep reading »

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