Profile for Beth Ames

I Know I Really Like Someone If …

Beth AmesMay 27, 2011 //

The other night, the guy I’m dating asked me to hang out. We went to the movies, shared some popcorn, held hands. It was sweet. A solid date with a dude I like. Good stuff. As we were leaving, I asked, “Where to next?”

“I thought we could go to a sports bar and catch the end of the Bulls/Heat game,” he suggested. “Are you cool with that?”

He looked at me, waiting for my reaction. I froze. Those who know me well know that I HATE sports. I hate watching them, playing them, talking about them. Sports are just not my thing. This guy knows that too. I was ready to say “hell no!,” to crinkle my nose in a “bitch, please!” fashion. Keep reading »

An Open Letter To My Unintentional Mothers

Beth AmesMay 5, 2011 //

You may be wondering why I am writing to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day when A) I have my own mother whom I love very much (your gift is in the mail, Mom!) and B) I did not come out of your vagina. I shall explain. Keep reading »

10 Flirtation Killers

Beth AmesApril 19, 2011 //

Ladies, I’m sure you have experienced this before. You are having a perfectly good flirtation session with a perfectly hot guy when all of a sudden … he ruins everything. The other night, I was at a party, talking with a guy I found extremely attractive and cool. We were wrapping up the conversation, about to exchange contact info, when he made a serious misstep. He reached down underneath his chair and pulled out a giant bicycle helmet and PUT IT ON. He looked so ridiculous that I couldn’t take him seriously. I fully support bicycle riding, especially with the proper safety precautions, but couldn’t he have waited until we parted ways to put the stupid thing on? Sigh. Foiled by a bicycle helmet. After the jump some more flirtation killers sure to spoil a good vibe. Add yours in the comments. Keep reading »

5 Ways To Let Me Know It’s A Date

Beth AmesApril 18, 2011 //

Calling all single menfolk of the world. Hello. Hi. How are you? Good. Great! Can we talk about DATES for a moment? Lately there have been a lot of you dudes banging on my door, asking me to “hang out.” This is a wonderful thing. Only problem is, some of you have dropped the ball on making me aware that it is in fact a date and not a wrap session where two buddies make jokes about farting. It’s fun to make new friends, but it’s more fun to make new friends who might want to rip my clothes off at some point. If you’d like me to consider you as a potential romantic partner, if you’d like me to wear a sexy dress that shows off my gams, if you’d like to receive a smooch (possibly even with tongue!) at the end of the night, there are a few things you can do to clue me into your master plan. After the jump, five ways you can alert me that you’d like to be more than buddies. Keep reading »

7 Things A Guy Should NOT Do If He Wants To Get Laid

Beth AmesMarch 29, 2011 //
Guys' Pre-Date Nerves
The guys on our IM share! Read More »

Dear guys of the world, I would like to share something top secret: the things you do while on a date are important if you’re hoping to have sex with us at the end of it. Each action falls into one of two categories: 1) Makes our vaginas wet. 2) Makes our lady business as dry as the Sahara. Not always literally, but your actions may directly affect our lady lubrication and willingness to share it with you. Your mission during said date should you choose to accept it is to “get our juices flowing.” At the end of the night, if you fall into the “makes us moist” category, we just might fall into bed with you. Imagine that. After the jump, some things to avoid if getting laid is what you seek. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I Have Post-Traumatic Dating Disorder

Beth AmesMarch 17, 2011 //

Last night, I sat with my iPhone out on my bedside table. I was staring at it waiting for the text box to light up. It was an hour before my second (damn) date with Mark*, the best date-asker-outer known to woman. Although Mark had confirmed our date, even told me what time he would text me and offered to pick me up at my place, I couldn’t stop the dark cloud from approaching overhead. Keep reading »

How To Ask A Girl Out On A Damn Date

Beth AmesMarch 14, 2011 //

The other night I went on one of the best dates I’ve been on in years. Why? Well, aside from Mark* being sexy, sweet, fun, and considerate, he did something that absolutely knocked my socks off — he took all the hassle out of making plans. God bless this man! Making plans should be easy. But for the past few years of dating, I’ve found it increasingly difficult. Why should it be like pulling teeth? Isn’t dating supposed to be fun? I was starting to think that maybe my expectations were out of line, but Mark restored my faith. He put all those other putzes shame. Mark should travel the world and give seminars about the proper way to ask a girl out on a damn date. But until then, I’ll tell you what he did oh-so-right. Take notes, guys. Keep reading »

What’s Your Definition Of Dating?

Beth AmesMarch 8, 2011 //

I was on the phone with the guy I had gone on a handful of dates with. We were discussing whether or not we would continue “dating.”

“I want to be able to spend the night and I want you to come to my neighborhood once,” I explained.

“I don’t want to have this conversation,” he said with conviction. “This conversation is about compromise. And compromise is a thing that people in relationships do.” Keep reading »

Ladies, Beware The Text-lationship!

Beth AmesNovember 23, 2010 //

About a month ago I was waiting in line at the grocery store when I spotted a hot guy standing behind me. I made a joke about how slow the line was going. He laughed. I smiled. And off we were. After we had both checked out, he continued to walk with me to the subway. He even offered to carry my bags. When we got to my destination, I shook his hand. “I’m glad we got stuck in line together.” Keep reading »

What’s Your Post-Breakup Recipe?

Beth AmesOctober 5, 2010 //

I was reading this article where a woman claims her good friend came up with what she calls the perfect post-breakup recipe. Her post-breakup regime includes “a prescription for the anti-insomnia medication Ambien, so she could sleep at last, and a five-point recovery plan that included a rigorous exercise program and a few nights of passion with a beautiful stranger.” I recently broke up with a guy that I was dating casually for about six months. I was forced to dump this dude because while I liked so many things about him, he didn’t want a relationship and I did. Plain and simple. It felt like it was the appropriate moment in our relationship — and in my love life — to take a stand against all illegitimate dating situations. I’ve done enough ambiguous dating/hooking up already. I’m going for all or nothing now. Keep reading »

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