Last week an anonymous prosecutor who has prosecuted a domestic violence caseload explained to us, from her professional point of view, how we should respond when we have friends or family members in abusive relationships. Some of the comments objected to her use of the pronoun “he” as the aggressor and “she” as the victim. Here the prosecutor, who requested anonymity, is back to respond.
Absolutely, men can be and are victims of domestic violence. The choice to use the pronoun she exclusively was a choice that I made as the author because the majoriy of reported domestic violence victims are women. The data also shows that women are more likely than men to report incidents of domestic violence, according to Measuring Intimate Partner Violence by National Institute of Justice. Keep reading »
Two weeks ago, I wrote an essay about how I witnessed a man committing domestic violence against a woman outside my apartment. I received many incredible emails from readers, including one from a prosecutor who has previously had a DV caseload. She advised me to contact my local precinct and give a statement about what I saw; in her experience, that witness testimony has helped put the abuser behind bars. I asked this prosecutor — who requested anonymity — if she had any advice about how to help victims of DV from a professional standpoint. Here’ what she is sharing with readers of The Frisky. — Jessica
When I read Jessica’s article on domestic violence, I didn’t think of the victim, the bystanders and their inaction, or the abuser. I thought about the prosecutor on whose desk that case would land. I knew statistically speaking, by the time the prosecutor sees the case, the victim has likely recanted. I thought about the volume of evidence that was right before me, in Jessica’s article. I thought about that prosecutor because I am a prosecutor. Keep reading »
I would truly love to be able to submit this piece with my name attached. However, as a young woman in modern Ireland, I feel it’s not possible due to the stigma and negativity attached to the subject matter.
A few weeks ago, 31-year-old Savita Halappanavar, an Indian dentist that had settled in Ireland with her family, went to hospital with back pain and was found to be miscarrying her child at 17 weeks. Her husband described how she requested several times over a three-day period to terminate the pregnancy given the pain she was in while miscarrying. Keep reading »
Sexually, I am neither conservative nor incredibly kinky. I like to think of myself as an open-minded chick who will try almost anything once. I don’t know what you all are doing in the bedroom, but I’m going to assume, based on conversations with friends, and the occasional reading of Dan Savage’s column, that I fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum when it comes to sexual experimentation. Even though I’m down to try new things, sometimes, I surprise myself with what sexual territory I’m willing to venture into, given the right circumstances. After the jump, a few things I never expected to try in the bedroom and enjoy. Keep reading »
In a recent Vice article, straight man, Dave Schilling, called anal sex “the first stop on the Save My Relationship World Tour.” And he’s not just talking about giving, he’s talking about receiving as well:
“On more than one occasion, a woman has asked me if I wanted to do ‘butt stuff’ when it became clear that coitus wasn’t cutting it anymore. Assplay is a logical next step in a male/female sexual relationship. It’s taboo; it’s still kind of like standard heterosexual fucking since it’s also about putting something inside a hole and most importantly, the difficulty level is high … Sometimes, when all hope seems to be lost and the world is shrouded in darkness, my female sexual partner will ask to give rather than receive.” Keep reading »
Vice’s Mary-Ann Banal (that must be a pen name) presents her case as to why women should never shove “sticks of meat up their poomakers.” I’m all for talking openly about the pros and cons of anal sex. The only problem is, I can’t tell whether Mary-Ann has actually taken it up the butt or not. She references the Internet, friends’ experiences, etc. — but never her own. After reading the article carefully, I suspect she has not had a meat stick in her poomaker as some of the things she says are straight up false, even ignorant. As a woman who has taken it in the backdoor with two different partners, I feel the need to honestly and truthfully address each of her anti-anal arguments. My ass sex assessments after the jump. (Naturally, this topic may be NSFW, so proceed with caution.) Keep reading »
It happened so quickly, and it was so dark, that it was hard to tell what Peggy Olsen was doing in that movie theater. I texted a friend.
“Did Peggy just give a hand job to her boyfriend or a random man?”
“It’s hard to tell the way it was shot, but consensus says random,” my friend wrote back.
That was the answer I was hoping for. I was thrilled that “Mad Men” finally featured a meaningless sexual act involving one of their female characters. Maybe this scene would have been more pedestrian if it were Don or Pete or Roger. We’ve spent the last five seasons watching their messy sex lives. The guys of “Mad Men” have had so many sexual indiscretions that it’s hard to keep track. Keep reading »
Last week, I met a friend for dinner. The restaurant we tried to go to was crowded, so we decided to wander around and look for a different place to eat. We turned down the next block and my pulse raced. It was the block of the restaurant my date rapist worked at.
I considered asking my friend if we could walk down a different block, but that seemed silly. And then another thought crossed my mind. What if she spotted the restaurant and wanted to eat there? What would I say? I tried to mask my anxiety. I was more anxious about telling her why I didn’t want to walk down that block than I was of potentially running into him. Keep reading »
According to an article in this month’s issue of Esquire, the blow job is all but becoming extinct in favor of cunnilingus. In an informal poll, conducted by the writer Geoff Dyer, eight out of 10 of his “more mature male friends” preferred “eating p**sy to having their dicks sucked.” And guess what? The two who preferred BJs were gay! He uses this data to assert that the excitement that surrounded fellatio beginning in the ’70s has all but faded.
Clearly, that must be the case, if his friends say so. But it’s not just his friends. He says blow jobs are out in pop culture as well. I mean, Michael Fassbender’s character in “Shame” tells a man in a bar that he wants to go down on his wife. It’s of no consequence that he’s a sex addict, I suppose. And in a scene from Jonathan Franzen’s Freedom, Joey Berglund says he considers getting a blow job as “little more than a glorified jerk off.” Should we talk about how he had been sleeping with his neighbor since he was 13 or something? Perhaps I should remind Dyer of the entire page in Jeffrey Eugenides’ The Marriage Plot dedicated to the sucking of Mitchell Grammaticus’ c**k. That came out just this year.
Dyer says of his perceived decline of the blow job:
“[Cunnilingus] was regarded in much the same way as paying for a round at the bar: You had to do it, but if you could avoid it, you did. It would be a mistake, though, to see this change as meaning that men have gone from being selfish recipients to selfless givers of pleasure; it’s just that what constitutes pleasure has shifted.”
Keep reading »
Dear Loud Sneezer In My Office,
How are you? Good, I hope. I just wanted to bring something to your attention. Every time you sneeze, the air is momentarily sucked out of the office, and we are swallowed into your black hole of sound. Okay, so the “office” is a coffee shop and you and I just happen to use it every day as our home away from home; you’re doing whatever — a screenplay maybe? — while I’m plugging away on my freelance writing gigs. Or I’m trying to — but that SNEEZING! It’s so loud, my nervous system stops. I am startled to the point of duck and cover. When 99.9 percent of people in the world sneeze, I say “bless you” and move on with my life. But when you sneeze, I involuntarily shout out the word “NO!” Intellectually, I understand that you are performing a natural bodily function, but irrationally, I don’t understand. I say “NO!” because I am in shock. In shock that a human sneeze could be that loud. I’ve tried putting my headphones on, listening to Queen at top volume. I still hear you. Your bark sneezes cut through the noise like a sonic boom. There is only one solution, Loud Sneezer: You must lower the volume of your sneezes. (Or I must find another coffee shop/office to work, but really, I’d rather not. The scones here are good.) Keep reading »