Here are two things I never expected to be told in the same breath: “You’re so skinny! This will look cute on you,” and “I’m pretty sure you’re lying about that time your dad molested you.”
Nine months ago, I confronted my father about sexually abusing me as a child. Since then, my communication with my family has been limited, and it caught me off-guard when, just two weeks ago, my aunt invited me to meet her for lunch. I impulsively agreed, and initially, we started on the right note. After a few minutes of polite pleasantries, she handed me a gift bag. Inside, I found a hand-me-down Ann Taylor blazer with the tags still on (“I love the pattern, but it just doesn’t fit me”) and a copy of Meredith Maran’s My Lie: A True Story of False Memory (“I learned so much from this book. It’s amazing how unreliable our memories are, don’t you think?”). Never before had I felt so flattered and insulted all at once. Keep reading »
My first thought upon opening my new LELO Ora Oral Sex Simulator was “How the hell does this thing work?” My second thought was, “Who cares how it works? This is the prettiest sex toy I’ve ever seen.” It could honestly pass for something Kate Middleton would use, because it’s gold and fancy and doesn’t LOOK like a sex toy. It’s refined. The Queen would probably mistake it for, like, a new age baby monitor or something.
Anyway, I took the toy out of it’s box and inspected it for a bit. About five inches around, it looks like a lopsided disc with an off-center hole. On the inside is shiny silver brass (or something that feels like metal), and on the outside, a thin layer of silky smooth, royal blue silicone. One small area on the outer curve of the toy is flat, which allows the vibrator to rest upright if placed on that surface, AND is also where the magic happens. Fun fact: It’s also waterproof, but I have yet to try it in the tub. Keep reading »
This weekend, Washington Post columnist George Will wrote an article about sexual assault on college campuses in which he called “victimhood … a coveted status that confers privileges.” In response, survivors of sexual assault having been sharing their stories with on Twitter with the hashtag #SurvivorPrivilege. Here, one survivor shares her story.
#SurvivorPrivilege is feeling anxious and afraid over revealing truths that could possibly impact your family, career, and friendships.
#SurvivorPrivilege is fudging details about your “first time” when chatting with friends, because even 18 years after the fact, you’re too ashamed to talk about what really happened. Keep reading »
I got fired on a Friday, just before lunchtime. No one stood over me as I gathered my coffee mug and my photos, I wasn’t escorted out of the door. I said two goodbyes, covertly, outside the office building. The actual firing was all done over the phone and they told me I didn’t have to finish the day, as though they were doing me a favor. A quiet rage made my hands shake as I said “Thank you for your time” and put down the receiver.
To say I was miserable at that last job would be would be an understatement at best, a goddamn lie at worst. My alarm would go off and I would start dreaming up excuses for skipping work, but most weren’t good enough. Sometimes during lunch I called my dad crying; I almost always left with my shoulders tight and my jaw clenched. So getting fired brought relief tempered with nastier things I didn’t quite expect. Keep reading »
I am convinced my vagina should have the next lead role on “Game of Thrones,” because recently, it has done nothing but plot sadistic revenge and royally fuck me. Like many women have experienced, I woke up one day with some weird itching and burning in the land down under and knew that it was the beginning of the dreaded yeast infection. Before I high-tailed my ass to the doctor, I opted to try a three-day over-the-counter, injectable cream that made me feel like I was a toddler walking around with a load in my diaper, and since then, it’s been one problem after the next (all for which I’ve consulted professionals).
But through my struggles, I’ve found solace in the fact that my OB-GYN confirmed “these are common problems,” and “these things happen to everyone.” Every day, women everywhere are betrayed by their vaginas with “normal,” pain-in-the-ass issues that interrupt our sex lives, social lives, and just our ease of existence in general. YOU try discreetly walking up subway stairs with a vile’s worth of white, foamy cream slowly leaking into your panties. Here are seven common vag problems that, in my opinion, deserve their own support groups and pocket manuals. Keep reading »
The online dating scene is rough. Sure, it’s a great way to meet people, but we use the term “people” loosely, as some of the individuals we’ve come in contact with still seem to be in their primitive forms. Obviously, first impressions count … but not to these idiots.
Sender: 44, Male
Receiver: 32, Female
Site: Plenty of Fish
Tip: Don’t do anything that this doucher does. NOTHING. Not only does this self-proclaimed “player” list his profession as “lying and cheating on my wife,” but he tells us he’s not ambitious, calls himself a “narcissistic ass,” and goes on to explain that he lies to women to sleep with them before running home to his wife of only five weeks. If you ask us, it sounds like this guy is the perfect candidate for herpes … and maybe a marketing class. Keep reading »