The Frisky

Hitched: Yes, I Kept My “Maiden Name”

Andrea GrimesMay 16, 2012 //

Why there's no way in hell Andrea Grimes will change her name. Read More »

“So, should I be calling you something different now?”

The bartender at my local bar walked hurriedly over to my table last week as I sat with my 5 p.m. Hefeweizen, wrapping up the day’s work on my laptop. He looked genuinely worried that, when I’d walked into the bar, he’d somehow offended me by calling me what most of my favorite bartenders over the years have ended up calling me, which is: “Mizz Grimes!”

I don’t know why they’ve all tended to pick up “Mizz Grimes,” but they have, and I love it. It makes me feel fancy and Southern, and there’s something about the way Texas bartenders say “Graiihhhhmmmz” as they’re grabbing a Lone Star or a High Life out of the cooler that just sounds right.

It was the first time someone who didn’t know me well, but who did know that I’d gotten married last month, had asked me about changing my name. Keep reading »

Hitched: My Mom And My Wedding, A Springsteen-Fueled Fairy Tale

Andrea GrimesMay 9, 2012 //

Once upon a time, there was a Texas girl who loved and adored her mother, but also respected and feared her. The Texan girl didn’t always see eye-to-eye with her mother, but even in the worst of times, her mother had always been there with the love and support she needed. The Texan girl always wanted to make her mother happy.

So the Texan girl didn’t know what she would do when the Texan girl got engaged and didn’t plan to have the church-sanctioned, decorous affair she expected her mother would want for her.

And then the Texan girl got tired of talking about herself in the third person.

My mom is a brilliant and intimidating person, and she’s also very shy. She’s great at math and was a star athlete in her day. I’m a people-pleaser and an unrepentant extrovert, have made my living as a writer and do well to play right field in co-ed softball. Which means that once we stopped sharing bodily fluids roundabouts November 9, 1983, we’ve been about as different as two people can be. Keep reading »

Hitched: Let’s All Get Married! All Of Us!

Andrea GrimesMay 2, 2012 //

Well, I’ve finally sobered up some from our honeymoon — real talk, y’all, I remember writing just about 10 percent of last week’s column. And now I know that there’s nothing like a honeymoon in Hawaii to remind you that you are the most boring, normal person in the whole married world, because literally everyone in Hawaii is on their honeymoon, with zero exceptions.

Seriously, the people on our sunset catamaran cruise off the Big Island coast (thanks, parental units, for footing the bill!) got kind of pissed when the booze-distributing cruise-masters forgot to toast people who were honeymooning. Keep reading »

Hitched: I’m A Married Motherf**ker!

Andrea GrimesApril 25, 2012 //

Last night, my husband (!) Patrick and I were having Hawaiian martinis at Roy’s Waikoloa Bar & Grill (which is to Hawaii the way Chili’s is to Texas) when he asked me, Was it all worth it? Was all the stress and the arguing and the pressure worth it, to have a wedding instead of sneaking down to the courthouse or eloping to Las Vegas?

I had my answer ready, because I’d been thinking on it since we drove back to our hotel in a pick-up truck covered in dicks on Saturday night. My answer was: yes. All of the bullshit and the pressure and the stress was completely worth the experience of being married in front of all of our closest family and friends. Keep reading »

Hitched: I’m Getting Married On Saturday!

Andrea GrimesApril 18, 2012 //

No Bachelorette Party

Why Andrea chose not to have a "real" bachelorette party. Read More »

The next time y’all read a Hitched column, I’ll be a married person! It’s been a long, strange journey since Patrick and I got drunk at the lake last September and decided to get engaged. But there has been no stranger time than the last couple of weeks, when the Wedding Crazy moved into my brain like that stupid Mucinex chest-booger moves into gunky animated lungs.

I prided myself on not being the crazy bride — especially since I realized very early into our wedding planning that the actual process of wedding planning makes me a nervous wreck. I let Patrick take the reins and stuck with logistical issues and large concepts and buying three different pairs of wedding shoes because fuck it, if you are going to go bridezilla, at least go bridezilla with some shit you can use more than one day out of your life. Keep reading »

Hitched: Why I Didn’t Have A “Real” Bachelorette Party

Andrea GrimesApril 11, 2012 //

“But Andie, it’s your last chance at freedom!”

This is what my father told me when I informed him that I wouldn’t have a bachelorette party, and instead would go camping with Patrick and all our best Texas friends.

My dad was disappointed that his daughter wouldn’t be vomiting behind a strip club at 3 a.m. But I just got back from a wonderful camping weekend, and I’m confident in saying that I don’t feel any less “free” for opting not to spend a few hours in close proximity to a banana thong. Keep reading »

Hitched: Our Wedding Venue Fell Through 20 Days Before Our Wedding

Andrea GrimesApril 4, 2012 //

Of all of the many things I worried about before our wedding — dreaming of accidentally getting huge, hideous chest tattoos or enduring painful silence at our karaoke reception — one thing that never occurred to me to worry about was, “What if our wedding venue falls through 20 days before our wedding date and we have to find an entirely new location at which to get married, two hundred miles away from where we live?” I should have known better. Keep reading »

Hitched: The Bizarre Phenomenon Of Being Rewarded For Getting Married

Andrea GrimesMarch 28, 2012 //

Premarital Counseling

Should Andrea and her fiance get counseling before getting hitched? Read More »

On Saturday morning, Patrick and I were enjoying some delicious breakfast tacos when I got the greatest e-mail of my life from Susan, my person of honor at our wedding: in the next week, we should be watching the mail for the trampoline the wedding party bought us.

Yeah, you read that right: the trampoline the wedding party bought us! Tramp! O! Line!

I could hardly contain my excitement. I read and re-read the email over and over again. I envisioned the giant trampoline in our backyard, and the afternoons we’d spend sunning and jumping on it, and how our backyard parties were about to get approximately a million percent more fun, and how oh my God, we are going to have a trampoline!

Because of course we put a trampoline on our wedding registry. Why not put a trampoline on your wedding registry, if you have the choice between not putting a trampoline on your wedding registry and putting a trampoline on your wedding registry? Keep reading »

Hitched: Should We Go To Premarital Counseling?

Andrea GrimesMarch 21, 2012 //

Hitched

Can you throw a cheap wedding in this day and age? Read More »

The State of Texas, beautiful and God-blessed land led by the white conservative men Jesus always intended it to be led by, rewards people who go to premarital counseling. The prize? You get to waive your license fee and don’t have a three-day waiting period between obtaining the license and getting married.

I discovered this fun new law while checking out marriage licenses generally, and learned that as of March 1, 2011, Texans getting married can either pay an increased fee for a license or get their asses to a counselor for an eight-hour course that will allow them to waive it.

The program is called, barfily enough, Twogether in Texas. I figured hey, if we can waive the fee and get counseling, that might be kind of cool. Of course, it’ll have to be free counseling because otherwise, there’s no money saved in waiving the fee. And we’re sure not paying a stranger hundreds of dollars to tell us we love each other and agree on major life issues like children (not for us, thanks), money (let’s make a reasonable amount of it and share it with each other) and religion (we’ll pass). Duh. That’s why we’re getting married. Keep reading »

Hitched: Can You Throw A Cheap Wedding In The Age Of The Wedding Industrial Complex? We’re Trying

Andrea GrimesMarch 14, 2012 //

I Love My Dad, But...

...I don't want him to walk me down the aisle. Read More »

It sure doesn’t come as surprise to me that I’m getting married in a few weeks. After all, there was much to be done after we got drunk at the lake last Labor Day Weekend and decided to get married.

Patrick and I rented a venue, sent out save the dates and invitations, built a barfy-adorable “wed-site,” argued with our parents over the guest list, told grown-ass adults what kind of clothes to wear, created wedding registries and asked guests to donate to marriage equality organizations if they liked that instead, bought tablecloths, and arranged for a colleague to officiate the ceremony. I bought a dress, shoes, some really fun underpants and got my hair colored. All signs point to: wedding.

But I don’t think I realized I was actually getting married until I went with Patrick to get a custom shirt made for his wedding outfit. Why? Because that shirt cost more than my dress. Keep reading »