“I had a longtime boyfriend … That ended a couple years ago. And I haven’t found the next Mr. Right … I started to laugh halfway down the page [when filling out my Match.com profile], … It was, like, impossible …I want to do my real thing… I love dating.”
– Martha Stewart complained to “Today’”s Matt Lauer about online dating. Join the club, Martha. We all get to that place when filling out our online profiles and then we breathe through it because the option of spending eternity alone seems even worse. Way to give us hope, Martha. [US Weekly]
It’s better than “Arrested Development’”s Motherboy dance, but only because it’s real. On May 6, Chick-fil-A’s Washington D.C. area locations are hosting medieval themed mother-son “date knights” in honor of Mother’s Day.
“During this special medieval-themed evening, moms and their sons are encouraged to spend some time together while they enjoy dinner, great conversation and several special activities … Every Mother-Son pair will also receive a place mat with fun questions and topics to get the conversation started, and a take-home booklet that provides ideas for future dates and questions that both moms and their sons can ask each other … One of Chick-fil-A’s goals is to promote community connections and enrich the lives of everyone we come in contact with … We understand the importance of mother-son relationships and want to encourage area moms to come to Chick-fil-A, enjoy their son’s company over a meal and have fun!”
Sons everywhere (save for the Buster Bluth/ren faire enthusiast types) are dying inside at the thought of eating breaded chicken patties/challenging mom to a duel. [ARL Now]
I’d like to cash this check for six hunnit Fiddy. Give it to me all in hunnits, please. Internet from whence this came, please follow up and let us know if the bank cashed this check. [WOW]
Florida police have finally caught long-time serial foot molester Reginald Cruz. The 23-year-old confessed to approaching hundreds of “dark-skin females” ranging in age from 10 to 32 in their cars, at their homes, and while walking down the street and requesting to touch or massage their feet. Police say Cruz used various stories, such as saying that he was trying to earn a Boy Scout community service badge or that he was a college student conducting medical research. Once he convinced his victims that he legitimately needed to touch there feet, he would start with a foot massage to determine if they trusted him enough. Then he would begin his assault, kissing their feet or sucking their toes for sexual gratification.
He must have told one hell of a convincing tale because I can’t imagine EVER letting a stranger touch my feet. I hate them so much. It’s a struggle to get a pedicure. Anyhow, I’m glad the female feet of Florida are safe to wear sandals once again. Just in time for spring! [WFLA]
This video shows the commotion after a teacher in Korea violently beat a student and then masturbated in front of the rest of his students. Police arrested the unidentified teacher (the man in the video with his pants down), for causing bodily harm to a minor and public exposure.
According to student witnesses, the teacher beat a boy “savagely” when he discovered he was wearing headphones in class. Then he ran out into the hallway and furiously masturbated. The teacher denies touching himself (although it’s hard to explain why he is pantsless if that’s the case) but admitted to the beating. He is suspended from the school indefinitely. WTF? [Guyism]
Love is elusive. Therefore, you must find ways to soothe your existential loneliness. I’m not talking about your most reliable booty call because even fun-but-meaningless hookups lose their appeal in times of extreme single angst. The itch you’re trying to scratch is not sex, but LOVE. And boyfriends who love you are so hard to come. Until you trip over one, you’re going to need an alternative (and a many bottles of wine). I present Dutch designer Noortje de Keijzer’s “My Knitted Boyfriend,” a customized man-shaped pillow she calls “Arthur.” As the description on her website says:
“My Knitted Boyfriend is a cushion with a story. A cushion with a personality. A cushion to kiss! Or, well… to cuddle, to caress, to hug, and to smile with. Because this man is always happy. And he is flexible as well. He will have a mustache if you prefer mustaches. He will wear glasses if you prefer glasses. He likes to sit on your floor, on your couch or at you dinner table. But most of all he likes to lay down next to you in bed. With your head on his chest and his arms wrapped around you. This way you will never feel alone ever again. With this man you can be sure, he will never leave you.”
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Sophie de Oliveira Barata, the London designer who started the Alternative Limb Project, is reinventing the way the world sees prosthetics. Her original bespoke limbs, (like the Snake Arm that amputee Jo-Jo Cranfield wears above) are reminiscent of surrealist works of art, yet serve an important function for the person who wears them. Oliveira Barata hopes that her re-imagining of alternative limbs will help people with disabilities feel more powerful and in control:
“It’s drawing attention to their disability in a positive way … Rather than people seeing what’s missing, it’s about what they’ve got … Having an alternative limb is about claiming control and saying ‘I’m an individual and this reflects who I am … Generally the whole technology is moving towards trying to recapture a lifelike limb that looks realistic and also acts realistic in motion. In this instance I’m doing the complete opposite and I think it does capture that whole childlike imagination — it’s like being a superhero with super powers.”
I could not love this concept more. I’ve been obsessing over this concept of limbs as art since I saw amputee athlete Aimee Mullins in a pair of ornate, glass high heel legs in Matthew Barney’s Cremaster Cycle.
Click through to see more of Oliveira Barata’s arresting prosthetic limbs. [CNN]
“Michelle and I have used the strategy when it comes to things like tattoos – what we’ve said to the girls is, ‘If you guys ever decide you’re going to get a tattoo, then mommy and me will get the same exact tattoo in the same place. And we’ll go on YouTube and show it off as a family tattoo. And our thinking is that might dissuade them from thinking that somehow that’s a good way to rebel.”
–Barack Obama discusses he and Michelle’s tattoo policy for his daughters on “Today.” I don’t know, that seems pretty hip to have your parents get matching tattoos and show them off on YouTube. I think that might actually encourage me to get inked just to see if my parents would follow through. [CS Monitor]