According to 105-year-old Texas grandmother Pearl Cantrell, the thing we should all be doing to stay alive forever is eating bacon. That’s what’s kept Pearl going strong. She loves bacon so much that she eats it every day. Because of her dedication to cured meat, the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile showed up on Pearl’s doorstep with a crap ton of bacon and a ticket to ride. I don’t know what more there is for a bacon enthusiast to experience in life once they’ve taken a ride in the Weinermobile.
Sadly, I suspect that bacon may not be as beneficial to the rest of us as it has been for Pearl. Rumor is that it clogs your arteries and stuff. [Huffington Post]
I respect Joe’s enthusiasm about connecting with Eileen again. However, a lady usually doesn’t love it when a guy she’s met once STALKS HER IN HER NEIGHBORHOOD. Also, I don’t want to be the one to break it to Joe, but there’s a very good chance that Eileen purposefully gave him the wrong number. Should I email or do you want to? You can reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org. He’ll be really sad that you’re not Eileen, but I think it’s in his best interest to know how he might be able to approach this sort of thing in the future. NOT LIKE THIS. [Gothamist]
“My wife’s routine starts first thing in the morning when she wakes up, scrolling online looking for trolls,” say the husband of Michelle Kerrins, featured on the latest episode of “My Crazy Obsession.”
You might think that he’s referring to internet trolls, which are easily found online. Oh no. He’s talking about troll dolls, the kind most of us had in middle school, but then realized were creepy and promptly threw away. Those things stare into your soul, I swear.
Michelle, a gymnastics instructor in Los Angeles who sometimes tumbles with a troll mask on (it’s truly a sight to behold), has more than 3,000 trolls in her collection, which she makes her poor, teenage daughter photograph so she can catalogue them. She’s also fond of dressing up in a troll bikini, putting a troll mask on and trying to seduce her husband. He’s not into it. Keep reading »
Really now, what would you do with yourself if I wasn’t around to tell you about the goings on in my favorite state, Florida? You’d be lost, I know. Yesterday, I told you about a woman who cut her boyfriend for cutting the cheese. Today, the big Florida news involves exotic meat tacos.
At Tampa’s Taco Fusion restaurant, you can enjoy a beaver, camel, otter or even lion taco for $35 a piece — the price of 11 regular tacos.
I’m sure you’re wondering what the issue is. That you spend an entire paycheck trying to get full? Yes, that’s a problem. But an even bigger problem is that lions are being reviewed for the endangered species list, which has some customers concerned that it’s unethical and possibly illegal to serve the lion tacos. Keep reading »
Only in Las Vegas would you be able to participate in a vibrator racing competition. At the first annual sex toy races, sponsored by German erotic toy company Fun Factory, gamblers were able to hit the poker tables and bet on which vibrator they thought had the most horsepower. My money’s on the pink one. Oh wait. They’re all pink. That could make for some confusion. [MSN]
”I was dead sick and tired of all of these songs by the R&B girls, the trios and stuff. They were all victimized by love. I was sick of it. I didn’t want to portray myself or women as victims … That was one of the things that was really clear. I think I can take credit for having clarity about that … I don’t think I tried to be an important feminist, I didn’t have that kind of clarity, but I had a stubbornness and an independence and that came across So that was good. I think that it was an idea that was bound to happen, I was just in the right place at the right time.”
– Debbie Harry talks to the The Sunday Times Magazine what inspired her music. Damn. She’s so badass it hurts. Excuse me, gonna go listen to Blondie now. [XPose]
It’s happened to all of us at one point or another. You’re sitting on the couch cozying up for a “Real Housewives” marathon and your boyfriend farts in your face. When this happened to you, you probably laughed it off or pretended to be grossed out (unless it really stank, in which case you were genuinely grossed out) and said something like, “Baby, thank you for showing me how much you care.”
That’s not how Florida woman — of course! — Deborah Ann Burns reacted when her boyfriend let one rip in her face. Instead, she threw an eight-inch knife at her boyfriend’s stomach and then proceeded to beat him with a stick. (I’m very curious about what show she was watching because I know I get upset when I get interrupted during “The Voice.”)
Burns’ boyfriend is in stable condition, but forever traumatized by his own flatulence, and she is facing charges for trying to cut someone who cut the cheese, aka aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. Florida does it again. [Huffington Post; NBC Miami]
The unexpected side effect of running into an old friend from college on the subway and falling deeply in love with Him, for me, has been a renewed interest in my past. I can’t tell you definitively why this is. Maybe it’s because I knew Him in college, and re-meeting Him after 16 years gave me a new lens through which to view my past self and understand her better.
My hunger to reconnect with my past self started with the hint of a memory of a photograph of the two of us from college. In my mind’s eye, I see it: Me and Him sitting next to each other in his dark, dorm room, both of us dressed all in black as we did at the time. Me: black dress, black fishnets, black leather jacket and heavy, black eyeliner. Him: oversized black pants, a black baseball cap, black hoodie. His arm around me. Sitting on top of his extra long twin bunk bed. Top bunk.
I’ve convinced myself that this photo exists. Keep reading »
It’s OK to be jealous of a plant. The Psychotria Elata, also known as Hooker Lips or the Hot Lips Plant, has a better pout than you. These plants with the perfect lips can be found driving hummingbirds and butterflies wild in the rain forests of Central and South America. With some luck, MAC will start making a Hooker Lips red lipstick so us humans can get this look. [Oddity Central]