Oompah-Loompa, Doompity Doo. I’ve got an exciting update for you! If you weren’t obsessed with “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory”—the 1971 version, not the Tim Burton remake—when you were a kid, then you probably weren’t born yet or maybe you lived in a remote cave. Weird kids, candy galore, a magical factory with little singing orange men? What’s not to like? I drove my parents crazy, watching the VHS tape no less than four times a week, learning all of the songs. I still do a great rendition of Veruca Salt’s “I Want the World” British accent and all. I begged my parents for lick-able wallpaper (anyone know what a “snosberry” is?), and tried to chew as much gum as Violet Beauregarde—I hid Hubba Bubba under my bed so I could pop a piece in before bed. I’m not ashamed to admit that I still watch the movie about once a year just to stay young at heart. I’m waiting for the film to lose its appeal, but so far, it hasn’t. I mean … there’s a chocolate freaking river! That’s why I was so psyched to see that Celebuzz tracked down the kids from the film. Aren’t you just dying to know where their Golden Tickets led them? Keep reading »
Profile for Ami Angelowicz
Anyone Wanna Join These Swingers In Bed?
I don’t know a whole lot about the wild world of swingers, but I’m thinking that Lyn and Linda from upstate South Carolina (is that a real geographical location?) aren’t getting too much action from their personal video ad. These good-looking swingers with fashionable feathered hair are looking for fun, friendly people willing to join them in bed. Gay, straight, bi, newcomers—they want anyone to join them. But they’re totally not desperate. And you can tell by their enthusiastic delivery that they’re just about as fun as it gets in the sack. Any takers? [BuzzFeed]
Is “21st Century Syndrome” A Real Medical Condition?
While some folks think it’s BS, the World Health Organization is officially recognizing a new stress disorder called “21st Century Syndrome” or Adrenal Fatigue. What are the symptoms, other than being alive in the 21st century? Fatigue, irritability, light-headedness, low libido, problems concentrating, digestion problems, excessive salt cravings, and increased susceptibility to coughs and colds. Sadly, this disorder is being called just another side effect of modern living. Womp womp. Keep reading »
Facebook Wages War On The Virtual Dr. Kevorkian
It’s officially gotten to that point in the lifespan of social networking where the promise has turned into a problem for some of us. If obsessive Facebook stalking, TMI Tweeting, and overall virtual insanity are truly affecting the quality of your real life, help is on the way in the form of a virtual suicide. A new site, Web Suicide Machine 2.0, which has already conducted over 900 painless online suicides, offers a Kevorkian-like end to your virtual existence. Created by a group of artists, designers, and programmers in the Netherlands, the site promises to permanently wipe out your Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, and Linked In accounts by disabling profile pics and passwords and setting you free from the psychological constraints of social networking. Gordan Savicic, the CEO—Chief Euthanasia Officer—of the organization said the idea “is to abandon your virtual life—so you can get your actual life back.”
Nevada OKs First “Prostidude” Ranch
The state of Nevada proved that they don’t discriminate. Officials have rubber stamped the Shady Lady Ranch, the first all-male bordello for female customers about 150 miles outside of Las Vegas. Yee-haw, cowgirls! But officials weren’t exactly kicking up their heels about the stud farm. Why? They’re concerned about the health risks for the young bucks … Keep reading »
Man Mistakes Steel Pipe For Vagina, Gets Penis Stuck
A 40-year-old man in the U.K. must have thought that the giant steel pipe he lodged his penis in on Tuesday was a vagina or some other warm orifice. Otherwise, how could we account for such a poor insertion decision? Actually, I’m not sure I want to know his reasoning. What we do know is that after his ween was sufficiently stuck (I’m picturing a Pooh-Bear-in-a-rabbit-hole scenario), he had no choice but to call emergency services to rescue his member. (I’m wondering what the operator’s reaction to hearing the words “My penis is stuck in a steel pipe!” was?) He was initially taken to the ER, but doctors were unable to operate on him because the restricted blood flow caused a giant erection. Not the best time to get turned on, eh? Let’s just say it was no quickie lube job. With the steady hands of seven firefighters, it took 30 minutes and a metal grinder (arrrgghhh!) to free his bruised and battered willy. Lesson learned, boys? Just another insane peen story for the record books. [Newser] Keep reading »
Decode My Dream: Is My Mother Going To Die?
Two nights ago I had a nightmare. My dream started with my grandma being in the hospital. The doctor said she needed a transplant and my mom was willing to donate whatever she needed. They started doing the operation on her and then the doctor came out and told me that my mom had died during the procedure. I was crying and in grief, but then I saw my mom’s ghost and I was in shock. Immediately she started fading away. I woke up in tears and I was crying for a while. Last night my sister had a dream that my whole family died and it was just her, my cousin, and me left. She is seven. Then last night I dreamed of arranging funerals. Please help. I don’t understand the meaning of these dreams. – Scared For My Mom
