Each summer, around the time that it hits about 90 degrees and 90 percent humidity, I walk by the public pool at the park in my neighborhood and contemplate diving in. I ache for a cool dip. But then I see all the children in the pool and first thing I think is, You can’t go swimming, there’s DOODIE in there. Perhaps I was scarred by watching “Caddyshack” too many times as a kid. I know it was just a candy bar, but I’ve never been able to rid myself of the nagging suspicion that there is real scat in my local swimming pool. Turns out, I was right.
According to a new report that will ruin public swimming pools for you forever, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention discovered that about 58 percent of public pools in the Atlanta area tested positive for fecal E.Coli bacteria. I can only imagine that these stats are consistent around the country, which means that most kids shit in the pool. Keep reading »
“I cry all the time—at work, at the shrink’s, with my lady. ‘The Notebook’ killed me. ‘Up’destroyed me. ‘Up’ was like the animated ‘Amour.’”
– Chris Pine admits he loves a good cry in Men’s Health magazine. You’ve got to respect a guy who is comfortable enough in his manhood to let the tears flow. I’ll never stop thinking emo boys are hot. I mean, for godssake, my first boyfriend wore fishnet gloves. Sidebar: Amelia would like me to inform you that Chris Pine, as Captain Kirk, sheds tears in “Star Trek Into Darkness.” She also cried during that particular scene. And a couple others. [Evil Beet Gossip]
A new survey breaks down teenage angst by the numbers. According to the findings, in one year, the average teen girl will have 183 disagreements with her mom, 157 with her father, 257 with her siblings, and 127 with her friends, during which she’ll slam 164 doors. In addition to all the time she’ll spend fighting and slamming doors, she’ll cry a whole lot over boys. About 123 times a year to be precise. That’s a lot of Kleenex wasted on boys, if you ask me.
This survey highlights the worst about teenage girls. And yes, it’s true that they can be overly emotional, ultra dramatic and super combative. HORMONES! But as a former high school teacher at an all-girls school, I know that as irritating as teen girls can be, they also have so many amazing qualities that they don’t get enough appreciation for. My favorite things about these strange and wonderful creatures after the jump. Keep reading »
It’s always a bit uncomfortable when famous women accidentally (or on purpose) overshare about what kind of hairstyles they’re rocking down south. Recently, a chance to have dinner with Gwyneth Paltrow was auctioned off to a pair of Australian DJs for $30,000. Why they paid that much, I don’t know. But luckily they were recording the whole thing because during their date with Gwyneth, she had a few too many drinks and talked about her vadge:
“‘I got a big ’70s bush.’ Which I was kidding. But then it was all a disaster. And now I look like an eight-year-old girl, basically …. Every time I have a bikini wax, Cameron Diaz holds me down …. Cheers to our hairless vaginas!”
I don’t know what feels more uncomfortable to know: the fact that Gwyneth’s vagina looks like her daughter’s or that Cameron Diaz restrains her while she gets waxed. Well, at least she wasn’t complaining about how boring the Met Gala was. That’s really bad first date conversation. [WOW]
Click through for more details about famous ladies’ pubic hairstyles.
When you ride public transportation you’re bound to have some unsavory seat mates. It’s inevitable. I recall riding the bus once with a man carrying a giant boa constrictor in a tote bag. That was a long ride. I’ve tried to block it out but I can’t. At least three unfortunate women taking the Trimet bus in Portland had the great misfortune of riding with Jared Weston Walter, the man arrested for ejaculating into their hair. A Trimet surveillance camera captured Walter standing behind women, pleasuring himself and releasing his special protein treatment onto their heads. Well, I think that earns him the worst seat mate award. He’s also earned some charges: sex abuse, harassment, disorderly conduct, public indecency and interfering with public transportation. Keep reading »
Since the season finale of “Kitchen Nightmares” aired, it seems like the show is all anyone’s been talking about. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you must have been away from your computer all week or you live in a remote yurt in the woods. I’ll give you the briefest of brief updates and you can do the rest of the heavy lifting yourself if you’re interested. Spoilers after the jump. Keep reading »
It’s never too early to start prepping your child to be a beauty queen. At least, that’s what mom-to-be Jenny Oliver thinks. At seven months pregnant, she’s already entered her unborn daughter, tentatively named Ella, into her first Bonnie Baby pageant.
“With my dance skills and her sister Jess’s knowledge of pageants, there’s no way she won’t win the prize for bonniest baby … It was only a tenner to enter her and I believe you should start them young. Ella will do so much better in life with all that experience under her belt … She’s only going to be three months old but she’ll have a bit of fun on the day … Walking down that catwalk with my gorgeous baby will make me feel a million dollars — even though I’ll still be carrying my baby weight and wearing daggy clothes. I hope she wins — it would be fab to have a baby sash and crown to add to the collection. I have so much planned for her.”
Keep reading »
People who are terrified of bees, or the thought of human beings having sexual intercourse with bees, or the thought of dying, please be forewarned that you may find what I am about to tell you highly disturbing. A 35-year-old Swedish man known as “Hasse” was found dead outside of his farm this week in Ystad after having sex with a hornets’ nest. Let that sink in for a moment. Sex with bees. SOMEONE WANTED TO FUCK A SWARM OF HORNETS.
Hasse’s bloated corpse had a total of 146 wasp stings, including 54 on his penis and balls. At this point you might be thinking to yourself, OK. So this guy got stung to death. That’s awful. It happened Macaulay Culkin in “My Girl” and I bawled my face off. But how did they know Hasse died specifically from having sex with a hornets’ nest? Oh, because they found Hasse’s semen on some of the dead wasps and his pubic hair in their nest. Keep reading »