Profile for Amelia McDonell-Parry

A New Beverage Says It’s The Opposite of Red Bull

If Red Bull gives you wings, than Drank, a new relaxation beverage, gives you the power to stop flapping them. Touted as a chill pill in a purple can, Drank doubled 7-Eleven’s sale expectations during the bev’s testing phase, and its profits were up 198% last year. But before you crack open a can, check out what’s inside the calming potion: Melatonin, rose hips, and valerian root. Melatonin “controls the human sleep cycle,” according to the company’s website, rose hips give you an antioxidant boost, and valerian root tames anxiety and helps the central nervous system get in chill mode. Ahhh, I feel relaxed already.

Oh, but wait, some doctors aren’t buying it. “I would not recommend it,” David DiPersio, clinical pharmacist at the Vanderbilt University Medical Center said. He says valerian root is known to cause seizures. Now if I ever pick up a can, I’ll be too freaked out to chillax. Keep reading »

Dating Amelia: My Last Bite Of Chicken Parm

“Tiggers should not date Eeyores,” DeVore said. “Tiggers can date Piglets, Piglets can date Pooh Bears, Pooh Bears can date Eeyores. Piglets and Roos can date, but Pooh Bears and Tiggers cannot.”

”The last few times we saw each other, we didn’t have sex. Considering we hadn’t seen much of each other, this was totally unacceptable. When we did see each other, we had fun — when we weren’t talking about the multitude of things that were making him feel “meh.” John DeVore referred to him as Eeyore.

“Tiggers should not date Eeyores,” DeVore advised. “Tiggers can date Piglets, Piglets can date Pooh Bears, Pooh Bears can date Eeyores. Piglets and Roos can date, but Pooh Bears and Tiggers cannot.”

“OH MY GOD, SO TRUE!” I exclaimed. Now where the f**k is my Piglet?

The other thing that ended it was sparking with someone else. Things with the Sneakerhead could end tomorrow – nothing surprises me these days – but the point is, I am sparking! Spark, spark, spark! With another person! Even as time distances me from my breakup, I wonder if I could meet someone to have that special bond with again. Sparks remind me that I can.

When I told Chick Parm that I thought we should just be friends, he responded, “I agree.”

You agree? That was too easy! It’s not that I expected a fight, but he had been such a limp noodle, such a wet blanket for the last few weeks, nay, months, that I thought he would be as mopey at the prospect of our oh-so-comfortable relationship changing. Wasn’t this supposed to be the moment when he had an epiphany and realized how insanely awesome I am? That I was kick ass? That he would never have a better roasted chicken with brussel sprouts in his life? But Simcha set me straight.

“Amelia,” she said. “He’s been along for the ride since the beginning. Why would you expect anything different?”

Quick Pic: Jen Hangs On Ben’s Every Word

Year after year, these two win the award for Cutest Boring Couple in Hollywood. [Los Angeles, 5/18/09] Keep reading »

Liveblogging “The Bachelorette” For May 18th 2009

Are. You. Ready? Come back to this post at 8pm 9pm EST and share in my excitement. Obvi, there will be wine. Keep reading »

Quick Pic: Drew Barrymore Does Not Know Which Decade She’s In

[Los Angeles, 5/18/09]
Keep reading »

All The Bachelorette’s (White) Men

“The Bachelorette” debuts tonight, and I’ll be liveblogging all the action. In anticipation, I checked out the 30 guys who will be vying for Jillian Harris’ heart (nearly half will be sent home by the end of tonight’s episode). While the jury is out on their personalities, I’m not so psyched on the incredible sameness of the guys ABC picked. I realize not nearly as many men must apply to be on “The Bachelorette” as the number of women who apply to be on “The Bachelor,” but surely there could have been some diversity? All the guys are between 25 and 35 (seriously, 25?), sport polo shirts, and have manly jobs like “pilot,” “pizza entrepreneur,” and “lifeguard.” Based on the information, I went with my gut and guessed who would be my five favorites this season. Check their stats out after the jump … Keep reading »

Dating Amelia: Kissing, Control Issues, & The Sneakerhead

Last week I had a new OK Cupid date, this time with someone who fit my type. You see, I have a type that I wish were my type: guys in plaid, guys who are sensitive, guys who look like they’d be friends with Ryan Gosling, guys who are over 5’9″. And then I have my real type: the guy who I’m inexplicably drawn to and drawn to me, too. This type of guy is dark-haired, under 5’9″, and extremely confident.

This latest guy (let’s call him the Sneakerhead) fit my type to a T, but he had some bonus features: a cool sneaker collection (you can tell a lot about a guy by his shoes), a good tan (a product of his half-Argentinian ancestry), he was a hip-hop fan, and he wears glasses. Oh, and he has a tattoo. And he doesn’t have a doughboy body. He’s my real type, plus perfection. Keep reading »

Today In Porn: “CoctoMom” & “Twilight Of Virginity” Coming Soon

We should’ve known it was coming. In the same vein as “Nailin’ Paylin,” a porn spoof based on Nadya Suleman, the woman who birthed octuplets now known as “OctoMom,” is about to hit an adult video store near you. Naturally, the title came easily. “CoctoMom” will spoof the baby-obsessed mom’s need for sperm donors. I, for one, am frightened.

Likewise, the “Twilight” franchise is getting its own XXX movie in the form of “Twilight of Virginity,” which, I guess, is about vampires sucking blood and popping cherries. Which of these two do you think will be the most successful? [Examiner] Keep reading »

Quick Pic: Katy Perry Comes Out Of Her Shell

Performing at 17th Life Ball, which benefits AIDS and HIV patients. [Vienna, Austria, 5/17/09] Keep reading »

Quote Of The Day: Shia LaBoeuf Really Loves His Mom

“Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother. She’s an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren’t my mother, as sick as that sounds.”

– Shia LaBeouf in Playboy Keep reading »

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