Profile for Amelia McDonell-Parry

Kelly Clarkson’s “Einstein,” Plus Other Fuzzy Math In Pop Music

All morning I’ve been listening to Kelly Clarkson’s quite enjoyable new album, Stronger, and found myself laughing aloud at the lyrics to the song ”Einstein. Ahem: 

Simple math
Our love divided by the square root of pride
Multiply your lifeless time
I’m going out of my mind
It was heaven when I finally figured it out alone…

Dumb plus dumb equals you
Dumb plus dumb equals you
Dumb plus dumb equals you

Indeed, there is no better way to tell a man to shove it than to diminish him with some lyrics containing some seriously fuzzy math. Dumb plus dumb equal you, BOO YA! 

In honor of Kelly — and my favorite high school calculus teacher — here are some other bad math moments in music history.

Courtney Stodden Booted From Pumpkin Patch For, Duh, Being Super Sexy Sensual

Grammar With Court
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This is what Courtney Stodden, World’s Greatest Teen Bride, wore to a pumpkin patch in Los Angeles this weekend. In between fondling squash, she and old-as-f**k husband, Doug Hutchison, fondled each other to the point where other patch-goers complained and the couple was given the boot. Never one to let anything ruin her super sexy sensual good mood, Stodden later tweeted, “Have a beautifully blessed Sunday! :) ‘Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.’ John 7:24.” Which is I guess her way of saying the Big Guy approved of white go-go boots? [Gossip Cop]

Would You Pay For Crooked Teeth?

At around age 14, I got braces to straighten my protruding incisor teeth; they looked like fangs, basically. I also had to wear rubberbands to correct my overbite. For three years, I had some form of metal in my mouth and as a result my smile is now pretty close to “perfect”; it would be closer to perfect if I had deigned to wear my retainer more. 

Apparently — and don’t tell my parents, who spent thousands on orthodontics over those few years — my straight teeth are also terribly unstylish. A story in Sunday’s New York Times Style section reveals that crooked smiles are all the rage in Japan. Called “yaeba,” or “double tooth” in Japanese, if  you’re not snaggle-toothed naturally — or had your snaggle corrected by orthodontics as a teenager — you can get the look cosmetically, as women are opting to have fake snaggles attached to their real teeth with glue. Consider my mind blown. Keep reading »

Black Walls: How To Make Colors Pop In A Room

October 23, 2011

Strip Search Demanded At World Scrabble Championship After Letter ‘G’ Goes Missing

October 23, 2011

Vera Wang Allegedly Refuses To Lend Clothes To “General Hospital,” Draws Cast Member’s Anger

October 22, 2011
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