I love to cook and the vegetables I prepare by far the most often are Brussels sprouts and kale. Seriously, I eat sauteed kale and spicy roasted Brussels sprouts, like, 3-4 days per week, because they’re easy and fantastic for you and filling and also fucking delicious. So naturally, my stomach started growling when I read that BrusselKale, a hybrid between the two, is on the way. USA Today calls it “the superfood we’ve been waiting for,” and while I think that’s a slight exaggeration, I am pretty pumped to try it:
BrusselKales are the result of 15 years of traditional crop breeding by British vegetable seed company Tozer Seeds. The company says the taste is more subtle than a Brussels sprout, “a fusion of sweet and nutty.”
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From what I understand, one of the things that many yoga practitioners like about the practice is that it can be done by anyone at anytime. But I think we can all agree that one yogi took that a little too literally when she decided to strip down to her skivvies and started doing yoga poses on a Ocala, Florida (duh), roadway. Michele Cernak, 51, was charged with multiple drug counts after police responded to 911 calls alerting them to a nearly nude woman doing downward dog in the middle of the street. When the cops arrived, they found heroin, a syringes, hydrocodone pills and a crack pipe in Cernak’s still-running car nearby, and she admitted that she had injected herself with heroin. While Cernak looks blissed out in her mugshot, you know what I imagine is not good for your qi, no matter how much naked outdoor yoga you do? Opiates. [NY Daily News]
I’m generally pretty meh on John Legend’s music because it’s basically 24/7 lovemaking music, which is nice and all, but not really my daily jam. I am, however, really digging the new music video for his song “You And I (Nobody In The World,” which follows in the footsteps of Christina Aguilera’s “Beautiful” and Beyonce’s “Pretty Hurts,” with the intention of spreading positive body image and self esteem. “You were fine in my eyes, a half and hour ago,” Legend sings. While I’m inclined to be a little irked by a dude telling women that they’re good enough, but the message is bolstered by the casting for the video, featuring women of all ages, races, body types and backgrounds, looking at themselves in the mirror and showing a wide range of emotions. Legend’s wife Chrissy Teigen is in the video too, but I was especially thrilled to see actress and trans rights activist Laverne Cox from “Orange Is The New Black.” Overall, cool stuff. [Idolator]
If the Bling Ring ever decides to get the gang back together for another round of robbing celebrities closets, I would not be surprised if Jessica Alba’s pad is at the top of their list of houses to cruise. I almost feel embarrassed by how often I feature her in Style Stealer. I swear, I don’t want to wear Jessica as a skin suit, but I would like to come over, borrow all her clothes and never return them. However, since we typically frown upon real thievery, we’ll just have to steal her look by paying for it the old fashioned way. Womp womp. Details after the jump! Keep reading »
The Emmy Awards are bullshit. I just need to say that. They are boring and they often play it safe and they are the award show I am least excited to watch, but STILL. I am disappointed. Dismayed even. Why? Tatiana Maslany should have been a shoo-in for a nomination for Best Actress in a Drama for “Orphan Black.” The fact that she was overlooked is a goddamn TRAVESTY. But I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that the same folks who rewarded “Frasier” and “Two and a Half Men” year after year would be too simple-minded to understand the brilliance of Maslany’s bevy of fabulous performances on the BBC show, which just ended its second season. Keep reading »
I have a love/hate relationship with every single Apple product I own. I am what you might call an Apple Truther, someone who believes that Apple products are designed to break right after your warranty is up, either through “normal” wear and tear or the installation of “critical” updates that are actually critical because they put your damn iPhone/iPad/laptop/whatever on life support. And yet, despite my belief in this conspiracy, like a good sheep with an addiction to shiny, new things, I keep buying Apple’s products year after year because they are kind of amazing and wonderful for the majority of the two years (length of the warranty!) and one day (first day without a warranty!) that they actually last. Which is why I will no doubt be buying the iPhone 6 when it comes out — but this time, Apple may have actually made a design update that improves upon the phone’s hardware. The iPhone 6 will reportedly come with a bigger, scratch-resistant sapphire glass screen that, if the video above from YouTuber Marques Brownlee is to be believed, puts its current screen to shame. Keep reading »
Vaginas are not meant to be storage units. They are not meant to be purses. They are not meant to be secret hiding places. You are not supposed to put unsterilized foreign objects in them. Most of us understand these rules. But apparently Jennifer Renee Crosby of Wabasso, Florida (OBVIOUSLY), did not get the memo. Crosby was arrested for possession of crack cocaine which she had hidden inside her, you guessed it, vagina. Crosby was a passenger in a vehicle that pulled over during a routine traffic stop and when the police officers discovered the driver did not have a license, both were asked to get out of the vehicle. Crosby was visibly shaking, which alerted the cops to suspect something was amiss, and sure enough, Crosby spilled the beans.
“I have drugs inside my vagina,” she confessed. They asked her to remove the drugs, which apparently caused Crosby some discomfort. “Ouch,” she said, removing a foil-wrapped packet of crack cocaine worth $100. “The foil is hurting the inside of my vagina.” I suppose if you’re going to shove crack in your vag, it’s wise to wrap it in something, but now we all know foil is not ideal. [The Smoking Gun]
Crosby is not alone. Some women cannot be stopped from violating the terms and conditions of their vaginas. If you dare, click through to see the weirdest things women have stashed in their kitties, the poor things.
OK! Magazine is reporting that Ryan Gosling has allowed his precious, beautiful sperm to impregnate girlfriend Eva Mendes, despite ongoing rumors that the couple has broken up. Supposedly Eva is seven months along and “it’s a dream come true for her,” according to the “pal” who leaked the status of Mendes’ womb to the gossip mag. Naturally, before I completely LOST MY SHIT over this bit of gossip — because as you perhaps maybe heard, Ryan and I are M2B — I decided to do some investigating… Keep reading »
On the rare occasion I decide to give a sex partner a lap dance, Britney Spears’ “Womanizer” is my usual song of choice. This Postmodern Jukebox cover — done in a 1940s torch style — slows things down a bit, but has the potential to inspire some sweet new booty-shaking moves. Noted! (Also, way to continue to fucking kill it with the covers, Postmodern Jukebox. So awesome.)
When it comes to dating, we all do silly things to impress the object of our affection. Women may spritz and slather a variety of chemical substances on their bodies, feign an interest in or knowledge of some subject, perhaps having to do with a ball, or make a big show of nailing that particularly tight parallel parking spot. I’ve been known to go on and on about that one time I did really, really well in fantasy football. But women are not alone in our somewhat misguided attempts to impress the opposite sex. Men are just as likely — if not more so, as there’s possibly more pressure on men to impress — of saying some kind of ridiculous things to win over a date. Here are a few that really don’t work.
Don’t worry, I’ll be back to talking about penises and vaginas next week. For more Funny Girl Sex Guide, follow us on YouTube!