Breasts, boobs, tits, tatas, jugs, melons, knockers, rack — there are about as many nicknames as there are ways to show your appreciation for our golden globes. In the immortal words of Simple Minds: “Don’t you forget about me…” Seriously, fellas, you can go down on me for hours, but if you don’t touch my boobs, I won’t be satisfied. Unfortunately, every gal has got a story to tell about some boob hound who did her knockers wrong. So, let’s sit down for a little titty straight talk.
Like my filthy mouth? Check out more Funny Girl Sex Guide videos by subscribing to our YouTube channel!
Happy Bastille Day, aka French National Day, aka a day in which I do two things with even more gusto than usual — eat cheese and covet the effortless French style of such icons as Francoise Hardy, Clemence Poesy and Jean Seberg. If capturing that cool French way of dressing is your M.O., here are the 15 French fashion icon-approved items you need in order to do just that.
I get it: you have kids and you love them so much you just want to give them the world, or whatever comes closest to it. But sometimes giving your kids whatever they want in life comes at a price. In the case of Virginia dad Jeremiah Heaton, that meant traveling halfway across the world to Egypt in search of an 800 sq. ft. plot of unclaimed land along the Sudanese border and decreeing it his own. Or, rather, his daughter Emily’s. That’s Princess Emily, to you. See, then six-year-old Emily really wanted to be a princess and instead of just buying her a princess costume or throwing her a princess-themed birthday party or, I dunno, telling her that being a princess is not all it’s cracked up to be, Heaton decided his little girl should not be denied her title. Heaton began with an online search of unclaimed lands around the world and then in June, he made the trek to Egypt where, with the permission of authorities, he visited the unclaimed parcel of land known to locals as Bir Tawil and (unofficially) declared it hers. On June 16, Emily’s 7th birthday, Heaton wrote on Facebook:
“Therefore, so be it proclaimed on June 16, 2014, Emily’s 7th birthday, that Bir Tawil shall be forever known as the Kingdom of North Sudan. The Kingdom is established as a sovereign monarchy with myself as the head of state; with Emily becoming an actual Princess. I kindly request that when you see Emily, to address her by official title, Princess Emily. Each time she hears this title she will be reminded of my love and the lengths I will go to fulfill her every wish. Thank you in advance for being a good sport in supporting my humble request of you.”
Keep reading »
On one hand, I’m usually not into hand-wringing over whether the appearance of someone’s weight — be it heavy or thin — is a reflection of their overall health. On the other hand, I can see why people might freak out over Bethenny Frankel, former “Real Housewives” cast member, talk show host and Skinny Girl cocktail entrepreneur, posting a photo to Instagram in which she is proudly wearing her four-year-old daughter’s pajamas. Especially since they don’t fit her in the comical way you might expect when an adult human puts on clothing made for a much, much, much smaller human. The reactions ranged from amused (which is likely what Frankel intended) to horrified, which then, of course, brought out the “stop shaming naturally skinny people” defenders. To be honest, I’m more distracted by the fact that Bethenny appears to have the same size feet as little Bryn. Those Hello Kitty slippers fit just right. [Page Six]
Remember that “First Kiss” video, featuring pairs of strangers asked to kiss for the first time? The internet went crazy when it which turned out to be a clever ad for a clothing company, inspiring a whole mess of parodies. Well, the director of “First Kiss” is back with “Undress Me,” a similarly themed video that’s an homage to William Masters and Virginia Johnson, the real-life sex researchers who serve as the inspiration for HBO’s “Masters of Sex.” See, back in 1957, as the “Undress Me” video explains, Masters and Johnson began asking strangers to undress for science. “Undress Me” director Tatia Pilieva picks up where they left off, explaining, “I asked strangers to undress each other and get in bed. Nothing else. No rules.” The results are funny and kinda sexy and only a bit awkward, honestly. Watch above!
Unless you were a total shut in this weekend, then you probably caught a glimpse of the lovely supermoon on last night. Scientists call it the supermoon when a full moon coincides with when the moon is closest to Earth, resulting in the it appearing bigger than its usual size. I was waiting to turn into a werewolf or at the very least end up in a straight jacket, as full moon myths predict, but alas I passed out early. I know … lame. I don’t even have a crazy dream to boast about. Did anything weird happen to you Saturday night? Let me live vicariously through you.
Miranda Kerr is serving up some Jane Birkin realness in this denim-on-denim ensemble and I am loving it. The flared leg on those white jeans makes her look even taller, like she’s walking on stilts (the platform shoes she’s wearing probably help). Perhaps it’s time to retire the skinny jeans… Keep reading »
When a Topshop customer in the UK came across this necklace while shopping at the chain store, she complained to a customer sales representative and was told that the necklace was “acceptable, because it was vintage style” and therefore “not racist.” The necklace depicts an early 19th century stereotype of East Asians — as Refinery 29 explains, “The charms bear an uncanny resemblance to the caricatures in anti-Chinese propaganda cartoons of the 1880s, when the Chinese Exclusion Act and all its institutionalized, dehumanizing policies were in full effect.” Is that what the clerk meant by “vintage”? The stereotype has always been racist — it didn’t become racist when we decided to acknowledge it as such — and it’s racist now. What’s next, Mammy hair fascinators? Ugh. [Refinery 29] [Photo: @summoningesther]
Activities are wonderful, but sometimes, it’s fine to want to shut the world out for a couple of days, and make some serious time for you. Don’t be afraid of FOMO, either. There will always be another party, another pub crawl, another picnic. The time you’ll spend indulging in the things you want to do, alone, are well worth it. Here’s a handy list of awesome things to do this weekend! Keep reading »
I love to cook and the vegetables I prepare by far the most often are Brussels sprouts and kale. Seriously, I eat sauteed kale and spicy roasted Brussels sprouts, like, 3-4 days per week, because they’re easy and fantastic for you and filling and also fucking delicious. So naturally, my stomach started growling when I read that BrusselKale, a hybrid between the two, is on the way. USA Today calls it “the superfood we’ve been waiting for,” and while I think that’s a slight exaggeration, I am pretty pumped to try it:
BrusselKales are the result of 15 years of traditional crop breeding by British vegetable seed company Tozer Seeds. The company says the taste is more subtle than a Brussels sprout, “a fusion of sweet and nutty.”
Keep reading »