“She just needs to be quiet. She’s a movie star. If she were confident in her acting, she wouldn’t be trying to be Martha Stewart.”
Martha Stewart waltzed right past the side-eye and straight up dissed Gwyneth Paltrow in the new issue of Net-A-Porter’s Porter magazine, according to Page Six. Stewart has long turned up her nose at actresses-turned-lifestyle experts, but she seems to reserve particular ire for Paltrow and her website/newsletter GOOP. Keep reading »
Activities are wonderful, but sometimes, it’s fine to want to shut the world out for a couple of days, and make some serious time for you. Don’t be afraid of FOMO, either. There will always be another party, another pub crawl, another picnic. The time you’ll spend indulging in the things you want to do, alone, are well worth it. Here’s a handy list of awesome things to do this weekend! Keep reading »
Polka dots are sweet, but I prefer the diamond print on Lauren Conrad’s 1. State blouse — somehow it’s more adult. Find out where to get her exact shirt, plus similar printed flats and a large orange clutch below! Keep reading »
Fun fact about me: I find showering really tedious, boring and annoying. Some days I wake up and I just can’t. That 10 minutes standing in the tub could be spent getting a little extra sleep, or reading Twitter while I drink my coffee, or having a really quick morning masturbation session (truthfully, I’m a before bed masturbator, but you get the point). The only real problem with skipping a shower in the morning is that my hair often looks like a hot mess when I wake up. The roots are greasy, my bangs have a mind of their own and I always have this crazy cowlick/hair bump situation on the left side of my crown. On days like this, I usually pull it back into a haphazard bun, but even that is hit or miss — plus, I’m sick of having the same go-to bad hair day style. With that in mind, I considered the variety of bad hair day problems and found 10 hairstyles to try the next time greasy roots, pesky cowlicks or limp strands threaten to ruin your day.
God, I am still SO ON TO YOU, George Clooney. While I’m sure the Cloons is totally, madly in love with fiancee Amal Alamuddin (why wouldn’t he be? She’s gorgeous, smart and accomplished, by all accounts) I’ve thought for awhile that his sudden embrace of long-term monogamy and the institute of matrimony (which he has long declared a disinterest in) has an ulterior motive — political power. I predicted a few months ago, shortly after Clooney and Alamuddin announced their engagement, that Clooney would at some point in the not-so-distant future declare his intent to run for public office, and that being married is part of his get elected strategy. And I stand by that! The American public prefers to vote for people who at least posture to have “traditional” values, like a stable family life, and George Clooney who parties with D-list actresses on his houseboat on Lake Como is less electable than George Clooney, devoted husband of a smarty-pants London lawyer. I’m not saying Clooney and Alamuddin aren’t a legit couple, I’m just suggesting Clooney is performing his love in a different way than he has before for a reason. I mean, dudebro has never been one to talk about his relationships or significant others, yet earlier this week, while on stage accepting a humanitarian award, Clooney gushed about his bride-to-be, declaring his love and being all “I can’t wait to be your husband” etc. etc. It’s totally sweet, don’t get me wrong, but mark my words, the Clooney Campaign has begun. [Dlisted]
“The first thing to know about your penis is, that despite the way it may see, it is not your penis. Ultimately, God created you and it is his penis. You are simply borrowing it for a while.
While His penis is on loan you must admit that it is sort of just hanging out there very lonely as if it needed a home, sort of like a man wondering the streets looking for a house to live in. Knowing that His penis would need a home, God created a woman to be your wife and when you marry her and look down you will notice that your wife is shaped differently than you and makes a very nice home. …
Therefore, if you are single you must remember that your penis is homeless and needs a home. But, though you may believe your hand is shaped like a home, it is not. And, though women other than your wife may look like a home, to rest there would be breaking into another man’s home. And, if you look at a man it is quite obvious that what a homeless man does not need is another man without a home.”
This brilliant chunk of wisdom comes from the mouth of Pastor Mark Driscoll (never trust a man wearing a beaded choker, I always say) of the Washington-based evangelical church Mars Hill, which recently announced it was shuttering several of its Pacific Northwest locations because of “financial difficulties” related to bad press. Bad press, huh? You mean people take issue with a religious leader referring to roughly 51 percent of the world’s population, specifically their vaginas, as “penis homes”? Personally, I would be offended if I didn’t find the whole thing so hilarious. Anyway, if a vagina is a penis home, what’s an asshole? A ski retreat in Aspen? Is my mouth a house upstate? DISCUSS. [Death & Taxes]