Can you blame her? When “Orange Is The New Black” star and trans rights activist Laverne Cox opened her mail and discovered a holiday card and gift from Queen B herself, she had what I think any of us would consider a perfectly normal reaction:
So when I opened this holiday card a few days ago and read Love @beyonce I literally fell to the floor. I was on the floor of my apartment. I have witnesses. Love the #CakeByThePound sweatshirt. Thanks Bey for the gift. I have had an awesome year and this is certainly a highlight. Happy holidays Mrs. Carter to you and your beautiful family. Thanks for all the amazing music and endless inspiration you’ve given to me and so many over the past 16 years. Since No No No I have been saying YASSS YASSS YASSS! #QueenBey foever.
Clearly, mine was lost in the mail. It’s okay, Bey. It’s the thought that counts. [US Weekly]
…and yet looks nothing like Kim Kardashian and a whole lot like a swollen, blistered sphincter with Joan Crawford’s eyebrows (the later, William Castle films era of her career, to be specific). But that seems to be okay with Jordan James Parke, who told The Sun, “I laugh when people try to insult me by telling me I look plastic or fake. Do they think I’m going for the natural look? If I was, I’d ask for my money back.” Well, at least he’s owning it and I do think he has very beautiful eyes. (I felt like I needed to pay him a compliment after saying his face looks like a butthole with brows.) Parke has had over 50 cosmetic procedures in his quest to look like his idol, who he calls “the most gorgeous woman ever,” including eyebrow tattoos (you DON’T SAYYYYY), dental work, Botox, laser hair removal and, in case you couldn’t tell, fillers. Lots and lots and lots of fillers. I’m surprised there is not a fillers shortage, to be honest. His lips look like they are going to explode and lip meat is going to come oozing out. Eww, I just said lip meat. I apologize. Read more about Parke and his asshole-like lips at the link. [The Sun]
Need a gift for that person in your life that’s always checking their vibes, commenting on the color of your aura and signing their emails “Namaste”? Here are some vibrantly energetic treasures for the new age-y spiritualist…
Tomorrow, the final episode of “Serial” will post online and fans of the podcast are on pins and needles waiting to see how the story will end. Well, spoiler alert, but I’m pretty sure Adnan Syed will still be in jail and we’ll all still be pretty unsure as to whether he killed Hae Min Lee. (I am inclined to believe Adnan is innocent, but I would also be utterly unsurprised if he did do it. SO FRUSTRATING.) That’s not to say the episode won’t be interesting or even revelatory — I’m sure host Sarah Koenig has been working round the clock to deliver an episode to remember, driving herself crazy with stress. Kinda like this on point Funny or Die spoof starring Michaela Watkins, who does a great Sarah Koenig, but an even better impression of Cristina Gutierrez’s terribly grating voice. [Funny Or Die]