Alyson Penn

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My Friends Deserve Better Than Fat Talk

If you’ve read Tiny Beautiful Things, the collection of responses by The Rumpus’ self-help columnist “Sugar,” aka Wild author Cheryl Strayed, you’ll probably recognize this quote:
“Stop worrying about whether you’re fat. You’re not fat. Or rather, you’re sometimes a little bit fat, but who gives a shit? There is nothing more…

Alyson Penn / October 29, 2014

Her 10 Best Looks: Amanda Seyfried

Now that Amanda Seyfried has made her porn (well, kinda) debut in “Lovelace,” we realize we’ve been neglectful in reviewing this blonde’s most stylin’ moments. And believe us, she has come a looong way from her days of “people just forget about her because she’s such a slut” Karen from “Mean Girls.” Okay, so that…

Alyson Penn / August 14, 2013

Guy Thinks It’s Hilarious To Bathe Himself In Pepsi

We’re not really sure what prompted this normal-looking dude, Nate, to take a bath in 312 cans of Pepsi, but by all means, man, do what you gotta do. (Methinks it might be a Pepsi Max commercial disguised as a viral video.) I personally like to cleanse in soap and water and drink soda, but…

Alyson Penn / August 11, 2013

Customers Tattle On Pirated Porn Over Poor Quality

Pirates, pirates, pirates. We need to have a little chat. Don’t make shitty quality copies unless you want your customers to go crying to the police about not getting what they paid for, undermining your whole business. Which is exactly what a few porn fans did in Hull, England. Fred Thompson (not that one) and…

Alyson Penn / August 11, 2013

25 Reasons College Is Not At All Like Real Life

Ah, college. I remember the first day like it happened yesterday. The smell of new paint covering beer-stained dorm room walls. The RAs’ stale greetings in matching neon shirts and Sharpie’d name tags. Awkward, passing smiles from strange hallmates trailed by nervous parents. Hellish name games and forced social bonding. Little did I know that I…

Alyson Penn / August 11, 2013

Man Makes Dumpster Into Home, And We’re Not Hating It

Gregory Kloehn, a California designer and proud dumpster dweller, is livin’ the dream, my friends. Not only is this oversized trash receptacle his Brooklyn vacation home, but as it sits atop wheels, he can totally move it outside of the NYC borough. You know, like a little portable bachelor pad. Vegas, here he comes! He converted…

Alyson Penn / August 10, 2013

Olivia Wilde Is Psyched To Turn 30

“Sure, it’ll be tougher to convince an audience I’m the ‘feisty young coed,’ cramming for my biochem final and wondering if Zac Efron’s character likes my new crushed-velvet headband, but I was never crazy about those roles anyway. People assume actresses are afraid to get older; the truth is the roles get a whole lot more…

Alyson Penn / August 9, 2013

Bold Move! UConn Bans Student-Teacher Relationships

The University of Connecticut officially banned any romantic relationships between students and faculty Wednesday under their “Policy Against Discrimination, Harassment and Inappropriate Romantic Relationships.” While undergrad relationships with faculty are completely banned, graduate student romances are forbidden only when a faculty member is in a position of power over the student.

Alyson Penn / August 9, 2013

Bet You Can’t Do This: Intern Recites Mean Girls In 30 Minutes

Well this makes me feel inadequate. Christopher Rosa, Next Movie’s intern, literally recited the whole Mean Girls movie in less than 30 minutes. And I know this because I played it in the background as I was writing this post. I mean, I could only understand Rosa’s performance about 50 percent of the time, when he’s actually acting…

Alyson Penn / August 9, 2013

Study: Anorexia Is Similar To Autism

A new study suggests that girls suffering from anorexia display similar personality traits to those with autism, such as lack of empathy, high focus on detail, and rigid behavior. In some instances, girls with anorexia scored five times higher in autistic qualities than non-anorexic girls on the Autism Spectrum Quotient.

Alyson Penn / August 8, 2013

Ex-Victoria Secret’s Angel Kylie Bisutti’s God-Inspired Clothing Line Is Out And…

It’s terrible. We were so pulling for Kylie Bisutti, the former winged-underwear model. After all, Victoria’s Secret models are usually only known for doing one of two things: losing all their baby weight in two weeks or dating Adam Levine. Bisutti, on the (wayyy) other hand, left the coveted model position last year because it…

Alyson Penn / August 8, 2013

11 Things You Need To Do While Studying Abroad

If you don’t want to hear a rambling soliloquy of stories that have nothing to do with you, don’t ask me about Australia. Not only will I blabber about about it for hours on end to anyone that asks (or doesn’t), I will try to strike up a conversation with any stranger in my near…

Alyson Penn / August 7, 2013

17 Things You Might Forget To Pack For College

So you’ve bought the sheets, the desk lamp, the shoe racks, the posters that will fall off after two months, the hangers, the towels, the laptop and the notebooks. You pillaged the shit out of your local bedding supply co. and you’re feeling like a champ … or in a cloudy haze of coupons and…

Alyson Penn / August 5, 2013

Albuquerque Has A New Mascot … And It’s Totally Meth

Not that we blame them. “Breaking Bad” has totally transformed Albuquerque from that random city that’s spelled weird to the meth capital of the world. What else were the great capitalists of New Mexico supposed to do besides squeeze every last penny from their infamous, regionalized crystal? In honor of Walter White and Jesse Pinkman’s “Blue…

Alyson Penn / August 4, 2013

Chelsea Handler And Courteney Cox NOT Feuding Over Jennifer Aniston’s Bachelorette Party

Did anyone know they were? Apparently rumors were swirling that the former Monica Gellar and and the late-night queen of crass were feuding over Jen Aniston’s upcoming bachelorette party. Well, according to Ms. Handler, who had Jen on “Chelsea Lately” this week to promote her new movie, “We Are The Millers,” she and Courteney barely…

Alyson Penn / August 3, 2013

So, Are Facelifts A Complete Waste Of Money?

The results of the first-ever survey of attractiveness from cosmetic facial surgery are in and it’s not pretty. According to The Journal of the American Medical Association, face, brow, and eye-lift patients looked only three years younger with an insignificant increase in attractiveness. How does one measure something so objective, you ask? Isn’t beauty, like, in the…

Alyson Penn / August 2, 2013

What’s Actually Happening When You’re Watching A Movie Sex Scene With Your Family — In GIFs!

We’ve all been through it — what started off as an innocent movie night with the family becomes a wildly uncomfortable experience the minute a surprisingly racy sex scene fills the screen. Let’s relive all the awkwardness — in GIFs — after the jump…

Alyson Penn / August 2, 2013

Justin Bieber Fan Throws Phone On Stage Because…?

As an anthropology major in college, I was exposed to a wide variation of human behavior and culture. But nothing, nothing could have prepared me to watch a two minute clip of a Justin Bieber concert. With raised eyebrows and pursed lips I desperately tried to understand this strange subculture of screeching tweens raising iPhones to…

Alyson Penn / August 1, 2013

Men’s Magazines In UK Told To Cover Up Their Porny Covers With “Modesty Bags”

The British really aren’t into sex, huh? After their Prime Minister David Cameron went after internet porn last week, now The Co-operative Group, one of the largest magazine retailers in the UK, is demanding that “lads’ magazines” showing skimpily-clad cover models provide a modesty bag by September 9 to be sold in their stores.

Alyson Penn / August 1, 2013

Dating Don’ts: 5 Things That Can Go Terribly Wrong On Tinder And Grouper

When meeting people in real life became too much work, we went online to date. When online dating becomes tedious (and it pretty much already has), what’s next? We date through apps, obviously. After all, why spend hours combing through various online profiles, when you can just tap a button on your phone? If you haven’t…

Alyson Penn / July 30, 2013

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