Almie Rose

Read more from Almie Rose

Love Your Boobs, Everybody Else Does

Ladies (and gentlemen), let’s talk about boobs.

Specifically, let’s talk about boob acceptance. Yes, I said it: boob acceptance. Because so many companies want us to feel bad about our boobs. The media is so ready to rate actresses based on cup size. Magazines tell small-chested ladies not to wear bandeau bathing suit to…

Almie Rose / May 22, 2014

Into The Archives: 1957’s The Scientific & Easy Way To Gain Weight Is The Weirdest Diet Book Of All Time

My mom gave me treasure: a small pile of small paperback books produced by someone named Jose Bonomo who may or may not be a real person, from the 1950s-1960’s on various womanly things, like how to have flawless hair, makeup, figures, diets, and even parties. I feel like I am a 1960’s housewife i…

Almie Rose / November 18, 2013

Almie Rose Does Every Episode Of “Scandal” In Two Minutes

Never seen an episode of ABC’s “Scandal,” starring the divine Kerry Washington? No worries, Almie Rose has got you covered. Above, Almie sums up basically every episode of the show in just two minutes. You DO want to watch this, you DO need to press play, and DON’T forget to pour yourself an extremely large…

Almie Rose / November 12, 2013

Almie Rose Tries Out Dating Apps (So You Don’t Have To)

The things I do for the Internet. There are so many dating (and, uh “dating”) apps out there now, and as someone who writes about dating (and, uh “dating”) I thought I should check some of them out. Here’s a short roundup of some of the notable ones.

Almie Rose / September 3, 2013

Almie Rose On Hooking Up In College

You’re in college. You don’t want to waste any time on loser dudes. Especially loser dudes who don’t appreciate the acting talent and sheer dynamism of Nicolas Cage. Here, Almie explains how to discern a hook up from a hang out, and imbues us with a reminder of just why “Con Air” is such a…

Almie Rose / August 8, 2013

Girl Talk: On Lying About Having A Boyfriend

Two days ago, I lied about having a boyfriend. I don’t do this, ever. This is one of those things I do not like to do. I do not want to feel like I have to lie about having a boyfriend to get out of an uncomfortable situation. Before I get to this story, here…

Almie Rose / July 11, 2013

My Top 3 Favorite Female Essayists

Good non-fiction is hard to find. After about 3 years of working on turning my blog into a book, I amazingly and bafflingly have an e-book coming out (I Forgot To Be Famous) of essays . In writing it, I realized a few things. 1. A blog is not a book. 2. I will never be as good as these…

Almie Rose / July 1, 2013

I Guess We’re Friends?

On TV, there’s always a group of friends who spontaneously meet up, or someone will call Tyler, and they’ll say, “Tyler, meet me at [whatever bar or coffee shop here]” and they hang up and don’t even give a time, and Tyler always shows up. And let’s not forget the ole drop-by. This happens a lot…

Almie Rose / April 10, 2013

How To Be A Creep On The Internet

Reddit is known as “the front page of the Internet.” It’s where millions of people go to discuss everything. Think of it as a web of endless message boards, each with their own community.

Recently, a user posted in the Reddit board “Ask Reddit” for help about a girl. Here is the original…

Almie Rose / April 4, 2013

9 Ways To Have The Most Whimsical Tumblr/Pinterest Wedding Ever!

Tumblr and Pinterest have given us so many wedding inspirations. If whimsy is your thing, I’ve got some tips for you. They may be old hat by now, but if it’s what you want, go for it. You rock those bridal antlers. I want to have my wedding at Arby’s so what the hell do…

Almie Rose / March 15, 2013

Why You Should Think Twice Before Posting That Instagram Photo

I’ve decided to stop using Instagram. It only just occurred to me that maybe I don’t want people to see where I am and who I’m with at that exact moment. There are lots of other things you can use Instagram for, of course, and I can always take those photos and ‘gram ‘em later, but that…

Almie Rose / March 4, 2013

Would You Make Your Wedding Guests Instagram Your Wedding?

Instagram is taking over weddings and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I was gleefully pinning my way through Pinterest, looking for things to add to my “WEDDING INSANITY BOARD” when I found the above posted photo.

My immediate reaction was, “THIS IS WHAT TECHNOLOGY HAS DONE TO US.”…

Almie Rose / February 26, 2013

A Note About Being A Female Blogger — And The Sexual Harassment That Comes With It

This is not directed at any one person. This is something I feel I have to say on behalf of myself and possibly many other female bloggers out there.
It makes my freaking day when people email me or comment or come up to me in public and tell me that they like my…

Almie Rose / February 19, 2013

How To Be Really Good At Being Really Depressed

Almie Rose knows a thing or two about a thing or two. In this installment, Almie dissects the finer points of how to deal when you’re depressed. Or, maybe, how not to deal. In any case, it’s always a good idea to make videos with your pets.

Almie Rose / February 15, 2013

Oh Deer God: Antlers As A Bridal Accessory

There have been some pretty “quirky” wedding trends recently. There’s the trend of making wedding photos look purposefully washed out, as though they were taken with a 1970’s toy camera. There’s the trend of using mason jars as wine glasses, candle holders or table centerpieces– really, anything that you can put something in will be…

Almie Rose / February 5, 2013

Almie Rose Explains: How To Wank With Someone Else In The Room

Life. So many unanswered questions. Thank God Almie Rose is here to guide us through our most intimate quandaries. In this webisode, Almie helps us figure out how to masturbate when someone else — your roommate, your study buddy, or unwanted house guest — is in the room. Because you shouldn’t be deprived of yourself,

Almie Rose / January 25, 2013

16 Tips To Make Your Life Not Suck

Ladies, I’ve got some life tips. Cheat codes, even. I don’t know much about life, but what I’ve learned is that blah blah blah “Wonder Years” episode whatever. Let’s just get to it. Here’s what I have to offer…

Almie Rose / January 23, 2013

Frisky Q&A: New Band My Dick Replaces Popular Song Lyrics With “My Dick”

Move over, Beatles, because I think I found my new favorite band. Their name is My Dick. Their album? My Dick’s Double Full-Length Release: 23 spot-on covers of some of the greatest hits of the ‘70s–‘90s, with one twist: key words in the lyrics are replaced with “dick.” I spoke to the two artists behind…

Almie Rose / January 1, 2013

Ask Almie: How To Go From Hipstar To Pornstar

Almie Rose is a versatile young lady. Want proof? Check out her informative transformation from regular ol’ Silverlake hipstar girl, replete with glasses and sweater, to lip glossed porn star. And you’ll want to do this, of course, because boys love porn stars.

Almie Rose / December 13, 2012

Frisky Q&A: Amy Ephron Is My Mentor, And She Really Likes Cee-Lo Green’s Watch

I love when great opportunities just boink me in the head. One day my friend Liz asked me if I was looking for work. She was assisting a lovely writer but got a great job opportunity elsewhere that she couldn’t refuse. Would I like to take her place? That writer was Amy Ephron. I called her, we…

Almie Rose / December 2, 2012

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