Profile for Abby Cooper

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Dating Don’ts: We’re All Just Walking Dealbreakers

Dating Don'ts: Career
Dating Don’ts: How To Deal When Your Career Is Blowing Up And Your Boyfriend's Isn't
What to do when yours is blowing up and his isn't. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Fake Friend
Dating Don'ts: Why Platonic Friends Shouldn't Fake-Friend The New Girlfriend
Fake friending sucks for all ladies. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Celebrity
Dating Don'ts: 4 Things You Shouldn't Do If You're Dating A Celebrity
Do the normal rituals apply when you're dating a famous person? Read More »
Dating Don'ts: We're All Just Walking Dealbreakers

The other day, I made a list of every guy I’ve ever dated seriously, dated a couple times, dated until I got the “Oh no, there’s been an emergency and I must leave immediately!” phone call, or made out with and never actually dated at all.

To put it simply, the list was rather lengthy. Like, extremely lengthy. In doing this, I realized that every single one of these guys had some kind of dealbreaker. Obviously, because I’m still single. There was the guy who wanted to get married after the first date. There was the guy who gave me mono and literally ran away from me when I tried to talk to him about it, which was pretty rude considering I had mono and couldn’t really run after him. The list goes on. I could write about these dealbreakers forever, and I probably will because a lot of them are hilarious. But there’s a problem.

It occurred to me that while I’ve often been the one to do the breaking up/ignoring until they get the hint and go away, it hasn’t always been my call. Could it be that — gasp! — I’m not perfect either? As much crap as I give the guys I’ve dated, I’m just as guilty of being a weirdo as they are. What if, on some website in some alternate universe where guys write publicly about their feelings, one of the guys on my really long list wrote about the dealbreakers he discovered when it came to dating me? Here are some ideas for him, so he doesn’t have to work too hard to finish his blog post: Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I Set My Best Friend Up With My Ex

Set Up Mistakes
If you're going to set people up, don't make these mistakes! Read More »
Annoying Ex Comments
11 Annoying Things Our Ex-Boyfriends Have Said
11 annoying things our exes have said and how we reacted. Read More »
Matchmaking Tips
8 tips for setting up your friends. Read More »
Girl Talk: I Set My Best Friend Up With My Ex

My friend Nina and I were having one of our typical “where oh where have the good men gone?” whine-fests when it randomly occurred to me that I knew one.

I felt as neutral about Matt as you can possibly feel about an ex-boyfriend. He had a lot in common with the wine Nina and I so often indulged in: he was delicious, addicting, and made me giddy. On the flip side, he left me with a massive headache the next day. But I couldn’t hate him for it — it was his nature. I knew we would never date again, but I still wanted Matt in my life. Totally kicking him to the curb would be like pouring a perfectly good bottle of Pinot Noir down the drain, and that’s just wasteful.

Both Nina and Matt were intrigued by the idea of being set up and quickly agreed. Watch out, Patti Stanger – here comes the Minimum Wage Matchmaker! Actually, my clientele is more of the indebted grad student variety, but that’s not as catchy. Keep reading »

Dealbreaker: The Barely Separated Guy

Dealbreaker: Slut Shamer
He was a slut shamer, so I was outta there. Read More »
Poly Dealbreaker
Is polyamory a dating dealbreaker? Read More »
Dealbreaker: Dog
He brought a dog on the date. Read More »
Dealbreaker: The Barely Separated Guy

It all started with a cat.

I used to like cats. Or I didn’t totally despise them. They can be super cute when they act like dogs.

I stopped liking cats on my second date with Jerry* (as in Springer, as in the show he totally is going to be on someday). We had made pre-dinner, “hmm this sounds tasty” chit-chat, ordered some chicken fried rice and had finally moved on to serious second dates topics like favorite TV shows, embarrassing childhood stories and oh, how his fantasy is to have sex with lots of girls at one time. Also, we talked about cats.

“I used to live with a cat,” he told me in the most awkward way possible.

“Like … you had a cat as a roommate?” I asked, totally making fun of the way in which he phrased that statement.

“Well, it was actually my wife’s cat.” Keep reading »

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