7 Ways to Survive Your First Swingers Party

People often fantasize about having threesomes, foursomes, or full-on orgies. But let’s be honest: Anything that involves sex with more than one person can be quite intimidating. You’re not sure if you’re supposed to touch here, lick there—it’s just way too much pressure.

Group sex is supposed to be wild and fun, but if you’ve never done it, you’re probably both nervous and excited. Don’t be. If you’ve been wanting to engage in a sex party and just don’t know what the hell to do, I’ve got some tips for you:

1. Do Your Research

Friends talking at a bar
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Before attending a sex party, do your research. Find out who’s organizing the party, what the rules are, and what to expect. Talk to a friend, local sex store employees, or even a complete stranger—someone who can identify with what you’re about to get into. Ask questions; Be open, honest, and very specific with what you want to know so that you can feel comfortable for the adventure you’re about to embark on.

2. Go Shopping

woman in black lingerie
CREDIT: Galina Tcivina/Shutterstock

It’s your first sex party so you don’t want to walk in there with old panties. Whether it’s new panties, a bra, or full-on lingerie, treat yourself to something new and sexy.

3. Bring a Friend

Two women, friends sitting closely together
CREDIT: Dmitriy Raykin/Shutterstock

Or two, or three. Just make sure that your friend is as open-minded as you are. Bringing a familiar face can not only add to the party, but make you feel super comfortable in such an unusual setting. They say you shouldn’t bring sand to the beach, but in this case, the more sand, the better.

4. Follow the Rules

It’s as simple as it says. When going to one of these parties, make sure you follow all rules. There may be guidelines to follow, like where to store your belongings or which rooms are off limits, but it’s always good to create your own rules, mainly those of consent and safety. Safe words and respecting privacy are good places to start.

5. Don’t Be Shy

Two women having coffee on purple sofa
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Hey, it’s a sex party, which means the room is filled with like-minded people. Don’t be afraid to dive in there and start conversations, make the first move, or make friends for the night.

6. Keep an Open Mind

Man drinking and talking to two women
CREDIT: Comaniciu Dan/Shutterstock

Just because you agreed to go to your first sex party doesn’t mean you’re aware of what goes on behind closed doors. Not everyone is there to have sex. Some are there to watch, some are there to get off on others having sex, and some may be there to do things you’ve never heard of or imagined. If you’re not comfortable with the aforementioned, a sex party may not be the place for you. But if you’re still curious, enter with a judge-free mind and don’t engage in anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.


The most important thing you should do out of all of the above is relax. It’s so important to be at ease and not so uptight. No one likes that and it makes it very hard for people to approach you. Don’t be afraid or too nervous to crack a smile, a joke, or a whip (hehe). In the words of Jimmy Flynt, “Relax… it’s just sex.”

Remember: Safe sex is great sex, so you better wear a latex. Good sex hunting!