The Southwest Airlines passengers who drank all the plane’s alcohol are true heroes
Praise and recognition should be reserved for only the most monumental achievements, the most impressive feats, which is exactly why a captain congratulated the passengers who finished every drop of alcohol on their Southwest plane on a recent flight from Oakland, California, to Kansas City, Missouri. These travelers are true American heroes. We applaud very little that Americans have done lately, but goddamnit, we applaud their dedication to getting hammered. So inspiring. Uplifting, even.
In case you didn’t know because everyone is constantly talking about this all the time forever and ever, flying in December can be so stressful that you vow to never leave your house ever again. Yes, it’s trite and annoying for people to bitch about this, but it’s also extremely true, and the fact is, drinking is really the only way to get through. But any dumbass travel rookie can drink on a flight. These people took that game to a whole new level and it’s just really so damn beautiful.
According to sportswriter Jimmy Durkin, who reported on the joyous occasion, it was a “Raiders flight“ full of fans of the Oakland team. Durkin noted the fans were not “particularly rowdy,” but boy were they thirsty. It took them just the duration of a three hour and 20-minute flight to guzzle all of the booze. Congratulations were obviously in order, and the Southwest Airlines captain happily delivered them over the PA system. I imagine his/her congratulations must have been either jovial or nervous (imagine being captain of a huge flying vessel full of buzzed Raiders fans), or perhaps a short and sardonic: “Congratulations, you’re all alcoholics! Your asses better stay in their seats!”
The flight took place just ahead of an Oakland Raiders-Kansas City Chiefs game at the Arrowhead stadium Dec. 8, and the Chiefs beat the Raiders 21-13. Hopefully the alcoholic flyers were too buzzed to get depressed about the loss.
Regardless of how their team did, they can be proud of what they achieved on that flight. Drinking is a sport and I’ll never be convinced otherwise.