Here’s what Trump’s administration would look like as the mean girls from famous movies
Current pop culture is one big mashup-fest. A typical TV show pitch, for instance, sounds something like “Game of Thrones meets Family Matters, but in the future Deep South!” Now thanks to this pop culture mashup bot, anyone can join in the fun. So, we decided to see what Trump’s team would look like as mean girls from famous movies. Because why not.
Murphy is a Microsoft-powered bot that combines your favorite fictional characters and real-life public figures in what’s essentially an AI face swap. Originally developed as a Skype chatbot, it’s accessible not only on Skype but on Messenger, Slack, Kik, and Telegram as well. To communicate with Murphy, simply log onto your messaging platform of choice and ask a question containing two individuals or pop culture products, such as, “What if Jon Snow was a Teletubby?” The only limit is our imagination, which, as we know, is a dark and twisted place. Why else would someone ask Murphy what it would look like if Werner Herzog was Princess Leia? (Okay, that someone was me, but still.)
However, a world where Donald Trump got elected president is also a dark and twisted place. That’s why we gave his presidential cabinet, VP, chief of staff, and chief strategist the upsetting pop-culture mashup treatment by asking Murphy what his team would look like as mean girls from famous movies. Warning: the results may haunt your nightmares.
Mike Pence as Regina George from Mean Girls
In the run-up to the election, an anti-Trump ad envisioned him in the Regina George role, but let’s be honest; he’s not smart enough for that. Pence — who many suspect will be the real power behind the administration — has more of the political experience required to be the queen bee. Plus, Regina cuts off her childhood BFF Janis and salts the earth between them with a rumor that Janis is gay, which she portrays as the worst thing that someone could be. Who better to stand in for the leader of the Plastics than America’s most powerful anti-gay politician?
Ben Carson as Karen Smith from Mean Girls
Despite being a retired neurosurgeon, Trump’s appointment for secretary of Housing and Urban Development is not the sharpest tool in the drawer. His mean girl equivalent is therefore the equally dim Karen, famed for having no idea that white people live in Africa and for her weather-predicting boobs.
Andrew Puzder as Mrs. George (Regina’s mom) from Mean Girls
“I’m not a regular secretary of labor. I’m a cool secretary of labor.” Only a cool secretary of labor would defend his fast food companies’ sexist ads, which are basically porn with meat patties, on the basis that “ugly [models] don’t sell burgers.”
Reince Priebus as Cady Heron from Mean Girls
That is, Cady when she’s assimilated into the Plastics. Priebus went from denouncing Trump in October 2016 to becoming his White House chief of staff just one month later. For both Priebus and Cady, rationalization is a hell of a drug.
Michael Flynn as Courtney Shayne from Jawbreaker
Taking it back to the late ’90s! Considering Courtney uses her popularity to leverage others into helping her cover up manslaughter, she was the first character pick for Trump’s national security adviser: a man who used social media to spread fake news about Clinton, including false stories linking her to child sex crime rings.
Jeff Sessions as Sharpay Evans from High School Musical
Since Trump’s attorney general built his career on being too racist for the ’80s, his mean girl character had to be someone whose ethics operated on awful but sincere ideas of genetic superiority. Hence Sharpay. Her meanness is less about finding pleasure in the suffering of others and more about how she views herself as superior to everyone else in East High School. The only student spared is her brother Ryan, i.e. the only student who shares her genetics. Everyone else, who doesn’t have those special Evans genes, is just unworthy.
Steve Bannon as Kathryn Merteuil from Cruel Intentions
We’ve saved the most evil for last. For both Bannon and Kathryn, meanness isn’t a means to an end; it is the end, the ultimate goal, because that’s how you taste true power. Remember Bannon’s interview where he wanted to be Satan? Kathryn plays with people’s emotions because their pain brings her joy. Bannon does the same, but with entire populations, actively whipping up hatred and prejudice because “darkness is power.” That’s how he made Breitbart into the rotting shitheap it is today, with no feeling but the desire for control, no principles but inhumanity.
After all this, you may still be wondering: why mean girls? At the heart of every movie mean girl is a fundamental lack of empathy, and it’s the same for Trump’s administration. These faces are the essence of America’s next four years.