People are doing obscene things with this McDonald’s cup because we’re all 12 years old
The McDonald’s holiday coffee cups for 2016 are here, and as usual they’re decorated with a cozy winter-themed design. Snow! Hot drinks! It’s all very sweet. But for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, which is presumably why some depraved doodlers are turning McDonald’s holiday cups into something NSFW. Y’all nasty.
In the original design, the words “Warmest Greetings” are printed on a silhouetted pair of mittens against a background of snowflakes, stars, and hearts. Innocuous and wholesome, like a fast food chain’s holiday coffee cups should be. However, someone discovered that with a few quick strokes of the pen, they could turn the thumbs of the mittens into hands, and the mittens into a pair of spread butt cheeks. Less wholesome and more hole-some (sorry, had to). This is why we can’t have nice things.
As writer Misty Harris pointed out on Twitter, “‘spreading holiday cheer’ takes on entirely new meaning” with this graphic modification. It gets even worse when you take into account the “Warmest Greetings” slogan and the hot frothy brown contents of these cups. No one wants those kinds of “warm greetings,” thank you very much.
Ba da ba ba ba, I’m Spreadin’ It!
Cultured tweeters pointed out the similarities between the McDonald’s butt cup and Portrait of Anthea Hamilton, a sculpture of two giant ass cheeks gripped by proportionally giant hands that was shortlisted for Britain’s biggest art prize.
Beat that with your plain red cups, Starbucks. Unless the marketing team at McDonald’s is a lot more naive than any of us could imagine, one wonders if this design was a bid to whip up some Christmas publicity; while a major franchise can’t print a spread booty on their cups, it can create a design that’s easily modified by consumers. All Starbucks did was offend Jesus and risk incurring eternal hellfire by removing the word “Christmas” from its red cups. McDonald’s cups actively present badonkadonks Sir Mix-a-Lot would be proud of.
Sadly, we may never know the truth because, as The Huffington Post’s coverage of this story notes, “A rep for McDonald’s was not immediately available for comment.” Would anyone really expect them to be available, though? On the other hand, maybe the company tried to find someone to talk about the ass-spreading coffee cup story, only to be met with a chorus of “NOT IT!” and the sounds of people scrambling to hide under desks.
So, while you sip your Christmas mocha from McDonald’s, try not to think about an open butthole or the thick brown liquid residing within. It might just be an innocent coffee cup. Get a taste of those warm holiday greetings.