Well, it might be getting super hard to get an abortion, but at least you can still fuck dead bodies in a lot of states
When states pass laws to obstruct a woman’s access to abortion, it’s infuriating. The laws are based in faith and personal belief, not science, and the logic behind them is often baffling. More baffling, is that there are many weird sex acts that are legal in states with some of the most restrictive abortion bans and TRAP laws. The logic just doesn’t make sense in most cases. Fervent anti-choice activists don’t want women to be able to get abortions, but they also, in some cases, don’t want them to have access to birth control either. But if a man wants to bang his cousin and marry her (or bang his farm animals), God looks the other way.
Imagine the leaps in common sense and logic that anti-choice people have to make to come up with to make their arguments against a woman’s autonomy over her body. No wonder abortion protestors are always yelling and angry — it must be exhausting to know that someone can engage in sex with a dead person, when you’re opposed to sex education in general. It’s sort of scandalous, right? It’s fascinating that conservatives want to control every aspect of a woman’s life — including where and if she can give a blowjob — yet have no interest in preventing incest, bestiality, or some other ludicrous sexual activity.
Here’s some sex shit that’s still legally a-okay:
Yes, ladies and gentleman, lawmakers in Louisiana, North Carolina, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Nebraska, and Kansas all allow you to get down with a dead body. But a woman can’t get an abortion in most of those states without clinic doctors having insanely hard to obtain admitting privileges in a hospital, or waiting a few days, or getting an ultrasound. Just in case you don’t think that’s a problem, hear this: in Louisiana, North Carolina, Oklahoma, and Texas getting a blowjob or having anal sex is illegal, but again…having intercourse with a dead person is not.
Luckily, marrying (and then boning) a direct sibling is totally illegal in all states. But you can totes marry your first cousin in a helluva lot of places. There are 26 states that allow you to marry your first cousin (but not your same-sex cousin in Arkansas, Indiana, Kansas, Louisiana, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Washington, West Virginia, and Wyoming that’s what they think Jesus wants or whatever) and four other states that allow you to do it as long as you’re over a certain age or promise not to have kids. Wait, you can marry your cousin and NOT have a kid, even though anti-choice (and anti-gay marriage) activists believe that sex and marriage is for making sweet little babies? I am so confused.
This only gets worse. Ohio, for example, just passed a law banning bestiality that hopefully will pass (if Governor John Kasich doesn’t ban bestiality, but bans abortions at 20 weeks, I will lose my shit). It was presented by the Humane Society of the United States policy director Leighann Lassiter and Senators Jim Hughes and Jay Hottinger Lassiter told The Guardian, “There are people out there who train animals for sex. You can give them your dog and they will train your dog to have sex with a human and send it back to you. And they get paid for it.” I’m ready for death to come for me. Bestiality is also legal in Vermont, Texas, West Virginia, Kentucky, Nevada, Hawaii, Wyoming, New Mexico, and Washington, DC?
Laws that place an undue burden on a woman seeking an abortion (even in the case of rape or incest in some states like Kentucky!) are totally fine. Laws banning putting your penis inside of a goat, not so much. Alright, everyone.