These dogs were caught on hidden camera figuring out the best way to survive in Trump’s America

It’s totally normal to want to know what your dog does all day when you’re out of the house. Or your cat. Shit, I’ve even wished I could text my dog to make sure I didn’t leave my hair straightener on and send my apartment into flames. One family now knows what their dogs do when they’re gone and they’re sorry they asked, so maybe it’s a lesson to pet owners everywhere: do not wonder about your dogs’ hobbies because they are nasty. Like these two dogs caught on hidden camera doing what animals do best. Fucking.

BuzzFeed reports that Jonny, a teen from California, recently got in trouble for throwing a party at his house (good for you, Jonny) and his parents installed cameras to keep an eye on their kid while they’re gone (good for you, parents).

But Jonny’s mom couldn’t resist checking in on the cams to see what the dogs were doing while she was away from the house. When she did, she saw Chico, a Maltese, and Chloe, a bulldog, going at it. And they weren’t just humping each other, which would have maybe (maybe?) been a little less shocking. No, Chico was straight up eating Chloe out on the white carpet. Yeah, I’m sorry for that mental image.

Here, have a real one now.

https://twitter.com/Jonny_Calderon_/status/799456911355580416?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Jonny tweeted, “Lmao my mom got cameras in my house and she was re watching the videos to see what our dogs do while we’re gone and now she’s pissed.” Some people weren’t thrilled to see the oral puppy play. Like Jonny’s mom who texted him, “That’s it, we’re getting the dogs neutered.” To which I would reply, “Uh, hell yes you get them neutered. Sorry dogs and cats everywhere, but no fucking way do we ever have to see this.”

Jonny swears that it wasn’t sexual, but more of a friendly thing between the two dogs. “This just happens when the bulldog is menstruating. Chico just does her a favor of cleaning it since she’s too fat to reach it herself,” he told BuzzFeed. I have to admit, I’m vaguely impressed that a high school junior is so chill about his dog menstruating and the other dog licking it up.

I’ve had two female pit bulls and never had to experience this before. Apparently dogs don’t really get their periods; they just get a swollen vulva and some discharge (aren’t you glad I looked that up for you?) that’s often not even noticeable. On a bulldog, though, with such short hair, one would notice the discharge, so it is possible Chico was just doing Chloe a solid.

OR the dogs are totally banging each other on the regular which is… well, probably the only way to forget we’re living in Trump’s world now.