So brave: I wore a bracelet with flashing lights to a bar to attract men like they were actual moths
When I go to a bar, I’m generally either with friends or reading a book and not paying attention to who’s around me. I’m not the kind of person that likes talking to strangers in bars, let alone picking up guys, or letting them pick me up, or whichever way that “let’s treat each other like produce” situation works. I’ve literally never given someone I just met over a drink my number or left a bar with some dude’s number. That being said, I’m extremely single, so maybe I’m doing this wrong (but hey, I’m also not in a shitty relationship, so maybe I’m also doing it right). In the name of science and my lack of love life and because my boss was like “you’re doing this because it will be fun for me to watch from the other side of the bar,” I decided to try out a flashy bracelet meant to attract men, which was basically peacocking.
And fuck it, why not put a mood ring-esque contraption that brightly flashes different colors on my wrist if it means finding True Love™? It can’t be more embarrassing than telling people you met your partner on Coffee Meets Bagel or any of the other ridiculous dating apps out there. The proliferation and normalizing of digitized dating has brought us to a place where no means of finding love is too debasing to attempt. Not sure if we should feel good or bad about that, but it’s where we are, so I’m leaning into it. Adapt or die, etc. So, I put the Curioso Cuff on my wrist and headed to the bar after work one Friday.
In case you’re wondering how a bracelet is supposed to attract men, know that this cuff is impossible to ignore. There are a few different settings, but of course I put it on the most obnoxious one that flashes different colors so quickly looking at it feels like staring into the Sun.
It’s essentially operating on the premise that guys can’t help themselves from flocking to something bright and shiny, which might seem offensive until you realize it’s also extremely true. I was even wearing clogs that day and this bracelet still worked its magic, which is either proof that this bracelet has actual powers or that the fashion industry has been lying to us about the idea that men give a shit what we wear on our feet.
As soon as I got to the bar, I turned the Curioso Cuff on, ordered a beer and sat down by myself. (My boss was sitting on the other side of the bar, ready to act as backup if a shitty situation went down (I mean, who knows what kind of literal moth-men this seizure-inducing nightmare might attract), and mostly to laugh at me looking like an asshole with a flashing bracelet. I’m quitting my job after this.) After only a few minutes, the older gentleman sitting next to me commented on my obnoxious accessory, using that as a gateway to lament about not knowing how to work his giant iPhone 7. We talked for maybe 10 minutes and then he left, leaving behind the very iPhone we were discussing on the bar. Because I’m not a monster and know how annoying it is to lose your phone, I ran after him and delivered his technology, quickly realizing that he could have done that on purpose (but also maybe not because he’s pretty old; maybe he legit forgot it).
As I was sitting at the bar again, the bartender came over (unprompted mind you, I still had plenty of beer in front of me) and said way too enthusiastically, “I love your watch!!” Of course, I explained that it was actually just a bracelet and doesn’t do anything but flash somewhat annoyingly, but he didn’t seem to mind what it did and talked to me for entirely too long, asking what I was doing at the bar and where I was headed afterwards.
Although I didn’t want to date either of these guys in any capacity, ever, this is when I started to think, “OK, maybe there is something to wearing a strobe light on your wrist.”
As if a sign from the dating gods, a hot guy rocking a classy scarf immediately sat down next to me. He kept to himself at first, but once I moved the cuff to the wrist facing him, it didn’t take five minutes for him to ask about it. I can’t believe I ever doubted your powers, little bracelet.
This guy and I talked for a solid hour, quickly moving on from the cuff, when I finally confessed that I was wearing the bracelet to see if it attracts guys and casually mentioned he’s proof that it does. For some reason, he wasn’t weirded out by this, or the fact that I suggested we go hang out with my boss, who was still secretly watching (and photographing) my exploits from across the bar. He eventually had to leave to see a German choir at Lincoln Center (likely story), but before he left, he — wait for it — asked for my number. Yep, it happened.
Now we’re madly in love. Just kidding, that would be too perfect. As dating usually goes, he texted me five days later, and then again when I didn’t respond (because he texted me five days later, and in retrospect was a little lame). But despite his lameness, he helped prove that you really can pick up hot dudes with a flashing bracelet.
Honestly it was weird having guy after guy chat me up. Being a living, breathing woman in New York City, I exert so much energy thinking about how to avoid interactions with disgusting men on the sidewalk, on the subway, and in bars that it would feel counterproductive and a little unsafe to wear the cuff in public on my own. You could even argue that wearing an accessory meant to invite strange men to talk to you is anti-feminist, as women are still trying to make the world understand that a woman’s outfit is never asking for unsolicited attention or contact.
I also think it’s total bullshit that women are told to wear a certain thing to get guys’ attention (I would rather chop off my feet than walk around in five-inch heels all night. I don’t think that’s being dramatic at all). But, this flashing cuff is actually pretty ugly, so it’s not making you look any hotter, it’s just bringing attention to your already sexy wrist.
All that being said, I don’t think wearing this bracelet is any different than swiping on Tinder or whatever your online dating cesspool of choice is. It acts as a conversation starter, and if you’re going out specifically looking to meet someone but don’t trust yourself to start conversations without coming off like an awkward, crazed lunatic (join the club), it takes off some of the pressure. I would have never started a conversation with the hot dude I never texted back on my own, so it’s a relief to have an in if you’re looking to score a date.
Dating is fucking hard, and if wearing a flashy strobe light on your wrist makes it easier for you to talk to people, I promise not to judge you. Good luck finding an outfit to go with this shining orb, though.