Lindsay Lohan adopts bizarre new accent since, well, it’s Lindsay Lohan

If you’re surprised by anything LiLo does, you obviously need to get out more. I usually side with the hot messes of the world, because I can feel their pain. But now that Lindsay Lohan has a new accent and is using it in public, I just… well, I don’t know what to think anymore. I’m not surprised by the accent; I’m surprised that it’s something she apparently really thought out, like she thought of it in the shower one morning the way most people think about what to eat for dinner, and just rolled with it. Once you hear this accent, you can’t forget it. It’s a work of (bad) art.

In a video of her talking to reporters in Athens, Greece, the accent is basically Lohan speaking English like she doesn’t know where she’s from. It’s the accent of a French woman speaking English, with a little Middle Eastern and other indecipherable things going on, too.

At first I was ready to let it slide and just assumed she was wasted, but after the video hit social media, Lohan tweeted at The Daily Mail,what should I call my new accent? I’m thinking #LILOHAN.” At this point she’s just asking to be made fun of.

She then gave The Daily Mail an exclusive interview about where she came up with her new way of speaking (because if LiLo doesn’t talk to The Daily Mail after doing something, it didn’t happen). Lohan told the tabloid, “It’s a mixture of most of the languages I can understand or am trying to learn.” See how many you can pick out.

Lohan explained that she’s “been learning different languages” since she was a child. She added, “I’m fluent in English and French, can understand Russian, and am learning Turkish, Italian, and Arabic.” If you say that sentence in “Lilohan,” it gets 10 times better. Also, yes Lindsay, we know you’re fluent in English. We’ve known you your entire life. We know all of your shit, so save that “I’m fluent in English” crap for the Greek reporters.

If she had just adopted a minor British accent, it wouldn’t be as much of a big deal. Every asshole celeb does that.  But this is a whole new person. “I’m fluent in English” — seriously, Lindsay? No one’s buying this.

I don’t know if we should be worried about her not. But if a weird, stupid accent is the worst she’s getting into, then maybe she’s doing just fine. Her friend (“that’s all he is,” Lohan said in her new weird accent) Dennis Papageorgiou suggested she get in on opening a nightclub with him in Athens and — violá! —there she is a few a months later in a sparkly mini dress, taking interviews in her new language.

Given that Lohan has struggled with basically everything in her life, maybe the accent is a coping mechanism. Then again, I don’t want to fully accept the accent because then we’d have to actually listen to what she’s saying in that interview, and it’s something about connecting Syrian refugees to her new club. No one needs to encourage that kind of talk.