Watch BFFs Clinton and Trump playfully roast each other at the Al Smith dinner

Traditions are good — but only if you know when to retire them and move on. Like changing up who hosts Thanksgiving dinner once Grandma runs away with a home care nurse. Or wearing white after Labor Day. After watching Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump roast each other at the Alfred E. Smith dinner on Thursday, it’s safe to assume that America needs to retire the stuffy, fancy dinner with Catholic bishops and New York elite. Seriously, it’s uncomfortable on so many levels. The Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner is a 71-year-old fundraising dinner that raises money for Catholic charities by getting the presidential candidates to dress up and roast each other after the debate season.

 

Maybe 71 years ago it was cute (probably because no one could get their hands on video of the event so no one knew what really happened), but there’s something about watching politicians mingle with Catholic cardinals that’s just weird and Middle Age-y, right?

Also, uh, the Catholic Church covers up sexual abuse scandals on the reg. Just for the record, Timothy Dolan, the one sitting between Trump and Clinton on Thursday, has been specifically accused of protecting clergy. So there’s the creepy blending of religion and politics. Then there’s the fact that this election doesn’t feel like a fancy black tie dinner to America. It feels like the world is ending and here are the two candidates joking with each other. It’s weird.

It was awkward as hell, because first of all, these people aren’t funny. And there’s nothing funny about this election. Trump called Clinton a “nasty woman” the other night. Clinton called his ideas “horrifying.

Clinton looked like she was being held at gun point the entire night, and Trump, well, Trump sure is something, right? Clinton joked that Trump would be able to interrupt her by saying “wrong” while she roasted him (get it? like in the debates!) and, in a comment waxing romantic about New York City, joked that Trump would probably look at the Statue of Liberty and call her a four. “Maybe a five if she lost the tablet and the torch,” Clinton joked. Because joking about how a man objectifies women when he’s been accused by over 10 women for groping them without their consent as he sits next to a Catholic cardinal is just hysterical.

Excuse me while I scream into my Twitter feed.

Trump was worse. He started off without yelling at anyone and even elicited a fake laugh from Clinton when he joked that the Democratic nominee has bumped  into him and said, “Pardon me.” Yes! Because that time when Trump joked during a debate that he would toss Clinton in jail for crimes he has yet to decide on is hysterical! I love veiled references to fascism. They get me every time. Later though, Trump was booed when he started joking about Wikileaks and implied that Clinton “pretends to like Catholics.” At a dinner hosted by Catholics.

Cardinal Dolan told ABC News he had the “iciest place on the planet” sitting between the two candidates. So, let’s just call this the last black tie dinner where presidential candidates pretend to joke with each other and raise money for charities some other way. Even if politics is one big show where everyone actually knows each other and they pick at some broiled fish and laugh, laugh, laugh at all of us idiots who think the game actually matters, could they not do it in front of us? It’s insulting.