Melania Trump defends the Trump tape and here are all the bullshit excuses she gives for Donald

I’m not entirely sure if Melania Trump is real or a wind-up robot. After hearing Melania defend the Donald Trump tapes in her interviews with Anderson Cooper and Fox and Friends, I’m still not sure. First of all, usually when a male politician has to do a mea culpa on camera, the husband usually sits next to the wife, like a sad puppy, taking all of the compliments from his betrothed. Why are Melania and Donald rarely in the same room together? Then again, she did just fine on her own, repeating much of The Donald’s claims that the allegations against him and the leak of the 2005 Access Hollywood tapes are all part of a major takedown of her husband by a rigged media system.

She didn’t just talk to CNN, either. On Tuesday morning, there was a a pre-taped interview with her and Ainsley Earhardt on Fox and Friends (let’s just note that even though Trump rails against CNN, his campaign thought it was important enough to have her on both networks, but I digress). She did say she scolded her husband about the tape. “Those words, they were offensive to me and they were inappropriate. And he apologized to me. And I expect —I accept his apology. And we are moving on,” she said. She then, much like her husband, blamed the media for “saying lies” about her and her family and defended his honor.

Here’s some other crap she swears is OK.

“I have two boys at home.”

Melania joked that the conversation between Donald and host Billy Bush was just “boy talk.” And she sure knows boy talk, because she has two of them at home (her 10-year-old son and her husband). But one of those “boys” was 59 years old when he talked about grabbing pussy. Even Howard Stern said he was shocked about the verbiage, but Melania writes it off as the stuff that “teenage boys” talk about. Cooper was quick to remind her that Donald’s not a teen, but that did not compute.

Donald was “egged on.” 

Melania, like her husband, apparently has a real hard time getting a grip on reality. She told Cooper her husband was egged on by Bush, but anyone who heard that tape can hear Donald leading the convo. Also, since when is Donald so much of a wimp as to be nervous and peer pressured by someone like Bush? Get your story, straight.

She wants to combat negative social media as first lady.

When asked about what she would focus on as first lady, Melania chose bullying on social media as an issue near and dear to her heart. That’s as good a first lady mission as any other… except that she’s married to an internet bully. Even if you think Trump isn’t a bully on Twitter (he is), his supporters are scary, anti-semitic trolls in the bowels of the internet. So, good luck with that, Mel.

The sexual assault allegations were all planned.

In her trademark coy manner, Melania seems to have cracked the case on the mass conspiracy against her husband. “Why now?” she asks. She also told Earhardt that all sexual assault allegations should be taken to a court of law, not the media. And she’s right that her husband should go to court, but that’s probably not going to happen. What Donald allegedly did to these women — kissing without consent, a hand up the skirt, being a peeping Tom in a Miss Universe locker room — are instances of sexual assault that women put up with every day and that are seemingly NBD for his wife.

Why now? Because it’s down to the wire and Melania’s husband was caught on tape bragging about doing the things women allege he did to them — that’s why now. Bringing Donald to court over the allegations probably isn’t going to happen because of the nature of the crimes and how long ago many of them took place. But maybe Melania should just admit that there’s a solid connection between saying, “I just start kissing them,” and the handful of women who claim that he just started kissing them instead of blaming the media like her idiot husband or writing it off as “boy talk.”

Now Trump’s made his wife and the mother of his son complicit in his “bad boy” behavior. Let’s hope her son, Barron, isn’t listening, because there are already enough skeevy, cocky Trump men in the world.