How to watch the second presidential debate even though you’d rather do literally anything else

Listen, this election is a hot mess and really, I’m sick of you not paying attention. If we have to do this thing, you need to know how to watch the second presidential debate so that as this country swirls around the toilet bowl, gasping for civil rights like access to healthcare and a safe bathroom, you know what we’re dealing with. Yea, you. You’re off the fence starting now. (Or sit there, what the hell do I care anyway, just pass me a drink because I can’t handle this anymore.)

So yeah, the second presidential debate is this Sunday at 9 p.m. ET, and it will be on every network. If you don’t have access to the basic broadcast or cable news networks, like CNN or MSNBC, because you’re smart and don’t pay for cable, you can also stream the debate on Twitter (fancy, right?), YouTube, or even CPSAN for free, without a login. You can also download the CBS News, NBC News, and Reuters apps to your phone to watch for free, no TV subscription required. And it will be on Facebook, in Spanish.

ABC, BuzzFeed, Hulu, Univision, The Huffington Post, The New York Times, and basically every news outlet will have a live-stream (or at least live blog).

Basically, the debate will be everywhere except on HBO, so if you don’t like watching Hillary Clinton foam at the mouth while Donald Trump yells at her about Mexicans, that’s basically your only option. And if you have the absolute chill to just eat chips, watch Westworld, and stay away from social media during the debates, please teach me your breathing techniques because I obviously need them.

The second debate is either going to be a complete circus or bore… no, it won’t be boring. It might be infuriating, aggravating, and it will definitely be loud, but it will not be boring. Watching both candidates seethe and mock each other (and basic American values) is not amusing. Sometimes there are even memes. You should come watch with us.

Sunday’s debate is going to be moderated by CNN’s Anderson Cooper and ABC News’ Martha Raddatz — two mature, educated human beings who will be babysitting Clinton and Trump together for 90 minutes without commercial breaks (oh yea, there are no commercial breaks, so you need to make sure your bottle of wine is in the same room as you). It’s also a town hall format, which means half the questions are going to be asked by an audience of undecided voters, selected by the Gallup organization. The other half of the questions will be asked by the moderators, but they will be submitted via a social media poll that you can still take part in. The questions have to be of “broad public interest,” so who knows what’s going to go down.

It’s going to be a complete shit-show. But HBO is definitely a solid choice. Can I have your password?