8 people with broad, manly shoulders who would be perfect for Trump’s cabinet

As the confusingly frustrating, boring, and terrifying vice presidential debate between Republican Mike Pence and Democrat Tim Kaine broils us all into a frenzy, one thing is for sure: Pence highly values the political trait of big shoulders. When Pence has talked about the big-shouldered qualities of his presidential running mate, Donald Trump, a physical trait he has admired several times, it’s been made abundantly clear that in order to effectively run this country broad shoulders are a given. Who else will throw us onto the boats when the revolution comes, or in Pence and Trump’s case, who else will be able to effectively bang the gavel of Making America Great Again?

Initially, when considering who would best fit into Trump’s cabinet of political sidekicks, it would be natural to look out for people with political experience who share Trump’s values. Think again! If we have learned anything from the deeply convicted Pence, it’s that broad-shoulders and traditional signifiers of hetero-masculinity are what makes America strong (or at least gingerly lifts America with their well-cared for muscles).

So, without further adieu, I searched the land far and wide for broad-shouldered people I think would be well-suited to Trump’s campaign, and I truly hope they make the cut.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

If anyone can lift this divided country onto his well-worked shoulders, it’s The Rock. Pence would be a fool to raise a disagreement.

Ronda Rousey

While Pence may normally attribute broad shoulders to men like Trump, Rousey could put them all to shame.

Michael Phelps

Not only does Michael Phelps have the broad shoulders desired for politics, but he smokes enough weed to emotionally handle it.


In reality, Shaq may be more of a shimmy-for-Hillary Clinton guy, but his shoulders 100 percent pass the test.

Hurley from Lost

The lovable Hurley has both the solid shoulders for the job and the ineffable charm that just may save our country.

Idris Elba

Again, the people picked for this list did not consent to be added to Trump’s cabinet, they just possess the correct shoulders. Sorry, Idris Elba; you’re now in.

Serena Williams

She could easily out strong-arm and politic all the men on Trump’s cabinet, and do it with grace.

Newt Gingrich

Honestly, it’s inconclusive whether Newt Gingrich actually has shoulders or a body at all, but his spiritual capability to support the shit-storm of politics signifies big, bullshit-heaping shoulders that Trump could and has already fallen deep in love with.

There you have it, folks. May the strong shoulders of America help make this country great again.