Amber Rose hated her first threesome, and let’s be honest, most are awkward

On the latest episode of Loveline, the beloved Amber Rose detailed her first threesome to her co-host Dr. Chris Donaghue, and it sounds like the experience was far more of a menage-a-NAWW (I’m so sorry) than Rose expected. Despite the fact that her outspoken sex-positive image might cause viewers to assume she’s already explored the world of threesomes, the encounter with the man and woman marked her first, and according to her reviews, her last.

Rose was candid on her podcast, expressing how uncomfortable the threesome scenario was and revealing that she mostly pursued a threesome in order to mark it off her list of experiences. She said, “We kinda just got together. It was a guy and a girl and it was fucking horrible. It was the worst. I am literally having sleepless nights. I felt the pressure, getting older, to experience new things and I did it against my better judgment because I talk about sex a lot.”

On one hand, it’s deeply unfortunate for her sake that the threesome wasn’t full of a sexual and spiritual transcendence that inspired her to immediately pen a manifesto of ménage à trois erotica. On the other hand, there’s undeniable comfort in the fact that even Rose feels clumsy and confused when presented with two partners at once. After all, if the author of How To Be A Bad Bitch doesn’t know what to do with her arms during a threesome, maybe the rest of us flailing through our sexuality aren’t doing so bad.

While obviously every threesome experience is different (for instance, mine always involve a diamond-encrusted canopy bed with a view overlooking the Atlantic Ocean and a steady soundtrack of Sade while Mario whispers sweet nothings into my ear), one of Rose’s biggest complaints with the scenario was the lack of actual intimacy.

“I feel like I am a very passionate lover and I like that one-on-one passion,” she shared on Loveline with Amber Rose. “With the threesome, I kind of felt like there was no passion. There was no kissing and rolling around, all of those moments that I enjoy. All those moments were not there.”

Aww, Muva just desires the same power struggle for blankets and snuggle space that so many of us crave. Hopefully her transparency about her underwhelming threesome experience provided an educational moment for people who conflate being sex-positive with liking all sex activities. You can be all about getting laid all the time, anywhere, and still not feel compelled to share the blanket with two people.