Getting A Hickey Can Cause A Stroke, So Maybe Stop Sucking On Each Other’s Necks

When it comes to good sex, to each their own. If you like giving or receiving hickeys, by all means, do your thing. But know that some people are having strokes after getting a hickey, so you might want to make sure your partner doesn’t go too far when sucking on your body until you get a bruise.

I mean, if some idiot sends me to the ER because he didn’t get the message that hickeys are a terrible sexual activity, there will be hell to pay (if I don’t die from a hickey-induced stroke, of course). It’s kind of unbelievable. Julio Macias Gonzalez, a 17-year-old boy in Mexico City, started having convulsions at the dinner table after hanging out with his girlfriend. Doctors believe the suction from the hickey resulted in a blood clot and the teenager died shortly afterwards. In a mysterious twist, the girlfriend has now disappeared, and the Gonzalez family is looking for her to blame for their son’s death.

I mean, everything about this is just terrible. This is not the first time someone has died from a “love bite,” which no self-respecting human being should ever call a hickey. A woman had a non-fatal stroke after getting one in 2010 in New Zealand. Docs call it a “rare phenomenon,” but it does happen.

You know what I think is a rare phenomenon? People who enjoy giving and getting hickeys. Hickeys seem like a blast from the past, and I associate them with really horny teenage boys who are so excited that a woman finally lets them close that they latch on like pests and want to leave a bruise on your body. I don’t know about hickeys.

I can’t remember ever having someone attempt to suck my neck when I haven’t awkwardly tried to wrangle myself out of the situation. There’s a line between a little rough passion in bed, which is just fine, and a hickey, which is just annoying.

They’re annoying because you can’t get rid of one, no matter what you’ve heard about brushing over the skin to let the blood flow. That’s crap. You actually have to wait for the bruise (that’s all a hickey is) to go away. If you have a hickey on a place you can cover up, you’re lucky. Otherwise, you’re left having to roll your eyes and tell your coworkers to shut up on Monday morning. But here’s the thing — why do we have to leave bruises on people anyway?

If you love hickeys, by all means, don’t let me hold you back. Go for it. Just watch out for blood clots.

Tags: hickey, Sex