Having Sex With A McChicken Sandwich Is One Way To Turn People Off From McDonald’s

Just when the world thought McDonald’s couldn’t get any grosser, a man had sex with a McChicken sandwich and shattered the glass ceiling of gross into a million tiny pieces. While I have no plans to traumatize you with a link to the actual video (I trust your ability to find it on the internet if that’s something you want to subject your eyes to), I do feel it’s my American duty to indulge all the information available.

The sandwich-lover in question remains unidentified, which is for the best, as the video features a shot of him wearing boxers while he has sex with the McChicken he apparently felt was destined to be his partner in infamy. Many questions enter one’s mind upon hearing the news of the McChicken lover. First, does he have any family? Was this meant as a funny joke that got terribly too real, or is this actually his kink? What did it feel like to have sex with a McChicken? But also, please don’t answer that last one.

Luckily for those of us who want to engage in the high-brow cultural dialogue surrounding the McChicken Lover, without actually tarnishing our precious web history with a porn video of a man thrusting a value menu sandwich, the world of Twitter is rife with incisive McChicken Lover commentary.

If the documentary Super Size Me didn’t convince you to drop your McDonald’s habit in favor of something slightly healthier (or just less horrifying), certainly this video of a man lubing up with mayonnaise will drive you to the altar of chaste veganism. If nothing else, it will ruin your McDonald’s cravings for a few weeks.

Again, despite the obvious shamelessness in his sexual desire for the McChicken, the man in the video made sure his face was never revealed in the XXX video. This of course immortalizes him further as a concealed figure, an anti-superhero of sorts, who is lurking among us. For all we know, McChicken man could be our coworker, good friend, family member, or blooming crush.

https://twitter.com/memesuppIy/status/770063662136647680?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

While this might seem like just another smear on the shit-stained reputation of McDonald’s, if anything, McChicken Lover has shifted the public gaze from McDonald’s abhorrent food practices onto his very specific sandwich fetish. Hopefully, this won’t encourage other sandwich lovers to come out of the woodwork, because I don’t want to cover my eyes every time a cheap snack food is trending. However, if it does inspire a trend, McDonald’s will embody the grossest iteration of the phrase “I’m Lovin’ It.”