I Posted A Fake Missed Connection On Craigslist, And This Is What Happened

Call me a weirdo, but one of my favorite little corners of the internet is the “Missed Connections” section of Craigslist. When you go there you find so many people looking for either a booty call or legit love. It’s both sad and endearing. One day on a whim, I decided to fake a (missed) connection because isn’t that a completely normal thing that all of us are doing these days? No? Just me? Fine, whatever, it’s just me.

Anyway, I took to my computer, pulled up Craigslist, and posted the ad.

Here’s the magic I whipped up. The very fake magic:

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This was supposed to be just for fun. I knew there were good men out there because I happened to be married to one. Still, I had a ferocious curiosity about the men who might respond. I mean, I’ve already admitted to scouring the Missed Connections section myself — I wanted to see what other people are doing out there.

Were they, like me, just fascinated by the whole “missed connection” thing that they randomly decided to make something up to, just to maybe gain a better understanding of the actual humans on the other sides of these interactions?

Emails poured in. Some called me a names like “whore” or “slut.” Others were legitimately wondering if it was them who had been spotted. Were these men actually in the toy section of the local Target during Father’s Day or were they just so desperate for a connection they’d make themselves believe anything? Were they, like me, just fascinated by the whole “missed connection” thing that they randomly decided to make something up to, just to maybe gain a better understanding of the actual humans on the other sides of these interactions? I have no idea, but here are a few of the hypothetical ways I would’ve responded if I actually had balls:

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Dear E.S.,

I feel bad that you don’t think it’s you, but still responded anyway, and that you thought your age would be a conversation starter. Are you just looking to get off? Either way, I’m sorry, but no.

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Dear Shane Dog,

Woah, buddy. Take it easy, there. You’re coming off a little too strong. And with a name like “Dog,” it’s a bit too much. No, but seriously, a one-word response? Is this high school? Will I receive an email next asking me to choose a YES or NO box on whether I’ll accept a date at the local ice cream parlor with your dad as a chaperone in the back of his Oldsmobile? PASS!

 

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Oh, dearest Jon,

I appreciate your reply, even though you weren’t the fake man I saw who I fake fell for. However, if you’re trying to make a good first impression, maybe throw some periods and commas in your reply. Do you talk like that in person? I hope not. Best wishes to you!

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Dear Mr. Married Man,

I’ve done you the courtesy of blocking your name, you know, just in case your WIFE reads this. I have a few questions, though. If you are married, why are you looking at missed connections? (Note to reader: Oh wait, I’m married too. Judgment rescinded.) More importantly, why are you responding? You are MARRIED! It’s “Til death do us part,” not “Til death or Craigslist!” Sign up for Ashley Madison and just call it a day!

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I can’t properly respond to this, so here’s a gif:

So, why were these men answering an ad they know wasn’t meant for them? Most of them were probably never at my local Target. I hadn’t even been to one in months, so even if by chance someone may have thought there was eye contact with “me,” it never happened.

When we think of love and connections, we’re normally taught to think of women being the ones who are craving it. However, based on my little experiment, it’s clear that there are men out there — possibly even completely good ones — who do long for companionship. Perhaps they’re in a bad marriage, or single, or depressed. Either way, love is not one-sided, and neither is loneliness. Both men and women, as humans, require and crave connection — even if it is based on a lie.