A Man’s Sole Job At The Olympics Is Handing Out Condoms To All The Athletes

Sometimes you don’t know a dream job exists until it approaches you and offers you a handful of free condoms. This truth doubly applies to the reality of a man named Eric whose job is to hand out condoms at the Olympics. While I imagine the task itself could otherwise prove tedious, considering his customer base is a minority of people with superhuman abilities, the implications of who is grabbing the most condoms is potential international gossip.

SB Nation reporter Rodger Sherman was making the interview rounds in Rio when he spotted Eric (whose last name we still don’t know) carrying an overflowing bag of rubber contraceptives and immediately recognized an unsung hero in action. Unfortunately, both for Sherman’s interview rolodex and the public’s curiosity at large, Eric had no time for an interview due to his packed schedule handing out condoms to the village of toned sex gods/goddesses. Given the reports indicating the Olympic Village is the real-life Temptation Island, with athletes exploring the limits of each other’s bodies after their adrenaline-packed days of competition, it’s no surprise there are people whose sole job is to hand out condoms.

The real question, of course, is whether or not Eric has his finger on the pulse of who’s sleeping with who. Are there telenovela style love-triangles unfolding at the Olympics? Or is it just a marathon of casual sex?

While there is no disputing the fact that not all heroes wear capes, who are we to assume Eric doesn’t don a cape in the comfort of his own home while whispering sweet nothings to himself in the mirror? It’s the least he can do to unwind after spending a day distributing his share of the 450,000 condoms provided by the International Olympic Committee.

The sex-positivity (or realism) of the Olympics hasn’t always been this blatant when it comes to providing athletes with free protection. The first time the committee provided athletes with condoms was in 1988, with a much smaller total of 8,800 rubbers. The gradual and exponential growth of Trojan-sponsored condom usage positively reflects the emphasis on safe sex, and also what I imagine is a collection of fan-fiction worthy stories for the books.

For those as inappropriately curious as I am, VH1 has done the lord’s work (or the devil’s work) and compiled some Olympic sex stories and facts for your voyeuristic consumption. Godspeed, and bless Eric for his back-breaking work out there in Rio.