Are Calvin Harris And Kim Kardashian Friends? Eh, More Likely They’re Just Champion Trolls

I know it’s childish, but the fact that Calvin Harris partied with Kim Kardashian at Jennifer Lopez’s birthday party in Las Vegas makes me squeal with glee and wish I had some super secret eavesdropping skills because they probably talked a lot of shit about Taylor Swift. I mean, come on. How could they not? Harris attended Lopez’s 47th birthday party this weekend and even posed for a picture with the birthday girl, Kim, and the cake. He’s looking right into the camera, knowing it will be posted to Instagram, and basically telling Taylor with his eyes, “it’s over for you.” Or maybe he’s just drunk, one can never tell with celebrities. Whatever. Us Weekly reported that Harris and Kardashian did chat for a few minutes, but there’s no good gossip about whether they commiserated about having to deal, in any form at all, with Swift.

Both of them have sort of been trolling Swift all week. Harris went on a bit of a rant a few weeks ago about a songwriting credit for Swift, and Kardashian finally released videos of her husband, Kanye West (duh), getting Swift’s approval for the now infamous “Famous” lyric. But then they each went a step farther.

#vegasnights happy bday @jlo #southbronx @kimkardashian #turnuptime 🎉🎉 #mc4

A photo posted by French Montana (@frenchmontana) on

Harris released a Snapchat video of him lip-synching along to a Kanye song, “That Part.” Kardashian also made a Snapchat of herself lip synching to “Famous,” just to make sure everyone knows who is boss.

Having grown up in a world where actual rap battles and beef (that could end with actual violence) took place, this whole Kimye-Taylor-Harris Twitter and Snapchat shade shit seems, well, pretty fucking stupid. But stupid like The Bachelorette, I cannot look away and mumble, “oh, shiiiit,” every time I see another headline about these dull jerks hating on each other. I don’t know what’s wrong me. It’s harmless and stupid to watch these people try to humiliate and rise above each other.

Hey, I have takes on this: I see how Kimye is sort of bullying Swift. But maybe Swift shouldn’t be so self-righteous and just admit she was sort of scared to say no to West when he called to ask her about the line and then acted like a jerk by pretending. Harris should get Swift. Swift should stop walking around in cardigans on English beaches with Hiddleston when she knows the paparazzi are waiting for her and letting Lena Dunham fight her battles for her. It’s stupid celeb shit and while it amuses me, it makes me wonder what other causes all of these people who have all of our attention could be doing with their time. I would literally just buy a ton of very expensive and delicious food all the time and fight with no one because who can fight when you’re eating delicious food? That’s right, no one. These people are animals.

Or maybe Fergie is right. According to the singer, who worked with Kardashian on the “M.I.L.F.” video, “it’s probably a big master plan. They’ll probably all come together at the MTV Awards or something.” If this is all about some stupid fucking “Famous” performance at the MTV Awards, with Harris in the DJ booth and Dunham introducing them all, I am walking way from the internet forever. Or not. I’ll probably just live tweet the whole damn thing and hate myself for doing it.