These Nutella-Filled Penis Cakes Take Food Porn To A Phallic New Level

There are times when, as humans, we find ourselves drawn towards things against our better judgement. There are movies, artists, and other people that we technically know are trouble/embarrassing/overdone, and yet we’re drawn to them nonetheless. This has never applied to anything in my life more than my fascination with the all too realistic penis-shaped cakes featured at the California-based 626 Night Market.

Overflowing with gag-inducing goodness, the cakes are well endowed with Nutella filling and eerily resemble the actual shape (or one of the many diverse shapes) of a human penis. In a further attempt to fool customers into thinking they’re consuming the real thing rather than an elaborate phallic joke, the cakes are also topped with a slightly translucent condensed milk icing. No one is safe from the feeling of returning to junior high only to enroll in the Pen15 club while eating these.

The penis cakes aren’t the only absurd food served at the 626 Night Market — they also serve cereal-encrusted churros that visually double as edible fairy wands, as well as rainbow rice bombs that feature what I can only presume is radioactive cheese. Basically, this market has all your edible needs if you’re looking to explore an array of Freudian issues while possibly ingesting some aesthetically pleasing alien eggs.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BHbgIkWB9Wa/

Anyways, back to the edible penises I simultaneously resent for existing but desperately want to try (they’re Nutella-infused and I’m only human). As you can see, they are well formed and proportional, but lend themselves to the slight molding of the consumer’s hand.

The main reason why i even went today tbh

A photo posted by Nancy (@clenchingbuttcheeks) on

I’m genuinely curious how consuming these penis cakes has affected the dates between couples of all sexual orientations. Was it a fun and grossly flirty couple exchange? Have the proportionally shaped cakes sparked irrational jealousy or insecurity in any men?

https://www.instagram.com/p/BHaWauLAgze/

While I love shoveling Nutella into my gaping mouth with the abandon of a woman who’s living her last day on Earth, these penis cakes might prove themselves as a veritable overdose of the chocolate-hazelnut spread.

Yum.

A photo posted by Gianna Ta♡ (@uhmgianna) on

While scrolling through photos of the excited penis cake consumers, I couldn’t help but wonder how many of them woke up riddled with regret the morning after eating it. Have the treats left any customers with a resounding feeling of shame and over-consumption once they realized the delicious rush was only a temporary fix for the ever-gurgling void in their soul? Did anyone find themselves visiting a pharmacy the morning after their night market fling as a precautionary measure, ensuring they weren’t impregnated by a life-altering Nutella addiction?

Don't dm me pls #dcake #626nightmarket

A photo posted by Sara Colón (21) (@misssaracolon) on

Those questions may linger unanswered for eternity, but what we know here and now is that those penis cakes look delicious, and I hate it.