The Republican National Convention Program Looks Kind Of Terrifying

The Republican National Convention is here, and this time it’s got a killer theme: “Make America Great Again.” You know, like the good old days when slavery and human trafficking were legal and women weren’t allowed to vote. Unfortunately, the schedule of speakers at the GOP convention is just as terrifying as the party’s slogan and nominee.

From Monday to Thursday, party faithfuls can gather at the Quicken Loans Center in Cleveland to hear a range of politicians, ex-military personnel, celebrities, and Donald Trump-affiliated businesspeople explain why the GOP is doing good work and Trump is the right choice for a presidential candidate. Let’s start with the celebs, because that’s the least scary part. It’s a less than impressive lineup, with names including Willie Robertson from Duck Dynasty, soap opera actress Kimberlin Brown, and Scott Baio from Happy Days.

The politicians are the expected collection of hardcore Republicans, such as anti-same-sex-marriage Rick Perry, Ted Cruz, and Marco Rubio. Weirdly, Trump’s new running mate, Mike Pence, doesn’t get a spot until day three. Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani is also speaking, which is more worrisome. As the post-9/11 mayor, he’s become a highly influential and prominent figure, meaning his views are likely to be treated as more important than those of the Happy Days guy. And when those views happen to include support for waterboarding suspected terrorists, using armed police officers in surveillance of mosques, and President Bush’s handling of the war in Iraq, things could get very dangerous for a lot of innocent people both at home and abroad.

Donald Trump Campaigns In Western Iowa Day Before State's Caucus
CREDIT: Christopher Furlong/Getty Images

See, even that baby knows something’s up.

Also among the speakers is “veterans activist” Jason Beardsley of Concerned Veterans For America. Sounds legit on the surface, right? After all, America’s record with regard to providing for its military veterans is a pile of crap. However, the organization’s stand against “what happens when freedom and free markets are interfered with” makes its ideals clear; this is about capitalism, not veteran care (which is particularly troubling given that many analysts perceive international “free markets” as a major factor in terrorism).

These are the great American ideals attendees can look forward to at the convention. Judging by the program wording, though, they won’t be communicated with any sort of focus. To fit into the convention’s main theme, each day has a sub-theme of making America [something] again. Monday is “Make America Safe Again,” Tuesday is “Make America Work Again,” Wednesday is “Make America First Again” (first what, I wonder?), and Thursday is “Make America One Again.” It’s an excellent opportunity for Mad Libs, but not a very encouraging indicator for the future of our country.