The Entire Internet Is Making The Same Joke About Trump’s Running Mate, Mike Pence
As much as Donald Trump surprised people by making it this far in a presidential campaign, he sort of doesn’t shock and awe like he used to. We’ve heard every dumb, racist thing he’s said already. With his vice presidential pick, he had a chance to really shock us. He teased us with former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, which would have been awful, but not shocking. He could have gone with Ivanka. Or his 10-year-old son Barron! Instead, he picked Indiana Governor Mike Pence, which is so boring Twitter is making the same joke about Pence’s last name.
The bad puns abound. The majority of the tweets about Pence involve some play on “sixpence none the richer,” but some of them get a little creative. Because a stupid VP pick deserves stupid jokes. Pence is a total tool. I mean, for starters, he has aligned himself with Trump, which means once they lose, he will go down in history for being the asshole that teamed up with Donald Trump. His boring-ness sort of legitimizes Trump’s crazy, but he has some bad ideas all of his own. He has called abortion “wrongful death,” and shut down Planned Parenthood clinics in his state by cutting funds, leading to an HIV outbreak and boost in unwanted pregnancies. Among many other shitty things concerning women, LGBTQ rights, and small government.
Here’s how Twitter is poking fun at the guy (shout out to Tyler Coates for RTing all of them like a real rock star).
But here’s the thing: he really is a huge asshole. Sure, he might be less crazy than Trump (who is delusional and completely off of his rocker), but he is scarier than Trump in the way that Texas Senator Ted Cruz is scary because actually imposes harmful laws. How about this? Pence passed a bill that requires women to pay for funerals for a fetus after an abortion. Yes, he wants women to “dispose of a fetus in a humane way.” Because he is a sick, sick fuck. It’s one of the most restrictive abortion bills, full of TRAP laws, in the country.
So sure, he looks like a dad from an eighties movie (and like he wears white turtlenecks under sweaters or something), and he has spoken out about Trump’s ban on Muslims, tweeting that it is “unconstitutional.” So the GOP ticket includes one incoherent bigot and a man who is obsessed with controlling and shaming women.
Go ahead and make your corny jokes, but then you need to start paying attention to what’s going on, because these guys are for real, and if they get into the White House and start nominating judges and shit, we are in big fucking trouble.