Ted Cruz Will Speak At The Republican National Convention Despite All The Shit Donald Trump Has Said About Him

While politics tend to be a veritable shit-storm of human garbage sacks gargling propaganda into microphones, the 2016 election has still managed to go above and beyond when it comes to ridiculousness. The frenemy dynamic between Ted Cruz and Donald Trump has managed to elicit cringe-worthy comedic relief while sufficiently confusing voters who know the pair to be equal cartoon villains. That dynamic peaked Thursday when Cruz announced he’ll be speaking at the Republican National Convention later this month despite the fact that the two Republicans have talked mad shit about each other for months.

The announcement was made shortly after Trump and Cruz held a closed-door meeting on Capitol Hill, where, according to a Cruz spokesperson, Trump asked Cruz if he was interested in speaking at the convention. The spokeswoman, Catherine Frazier, told Politico that while Cruz agreed to speak at the convention, there was no promise of an endorsement, saying, “Mr. Trump asked Senator Cruz to speak at the Republican convention, and Senator Cruz said he would be happy to do so,” but added that “there was no discussion of any endorsement.”

The lack of endorsement chatter adds to the frenemy-fueled confusion of the whole scenario, considering Trump previously stated he would only book speakers who endorsed his campaign.

While bracing myself for the inevitable mind-numbing quotes that will come out of Cruz’s mouth hole during the Republican National Convention, I have also been skimming through the history of Trump’s shit-talking on Cruz, because he has truly piled on some good roasts, and it’s crucial to remember what he’s said in the past before believing in their friendship.

So, without further adieu — here are some of Trump’s most memorable Cruz quotes.

The Time He Accused Ted Cruz’s Father Of Helping Assassinate JFK

In a phone interview with Fox News back in May, a passionate Trump made bold connections between Cruz’s father and the JFK assassination, saying:

His father was with Lee Harvey Oswald prior to Oswald’s being — you know, shot. I mean, the whole thing is ridiculous. What is this, right prior to his being shot, and nobody even brings it up. They don’t even talk about that. That was reported, and nobody talks about it.”


When He Accused Cruz Of Illegally Buying Votes

Back in April, after his loss in Wisconsin, Trump proved himself to be such an incredibly sore loser that he accused Cruz of illegally employing his own personal Super PACs in order to secure votes. Don’t take my word for it, the whole statement is documented above.

The Infamous Time He Insulted Heidi Cruz

Violent and objectifying sexism is a cornerstone of Trump’s brand, so when beefing with Cruz, it was only natural for him to compare their wives’ bodies like cattle. I need to barf now.

When He Called Him A “Pussy” During A Rally

When Trump brought Cruz on the stage during a rally in February and heard a woman insulting Cruz, he saw it as a ripe opportunity to knock Cruz down a peg. At first, Trump instructed the woman to yell louder, but after her voice dissipated once again into the crowd of sweaty people, he took matters into his own hands and repeated the heckle for Cruz: “She said: ‘He’s a pussy.’ That’s terrible.”

Of course, we know Trump didn’t think it was terrible, but rather loved it.

When He Made Fun Of Cruz For Picking Carly Fiorina As His Vice President

After Cruz announced that Carly Fiorina would be his running mate back in April (which ended as the shortest vice presidential candidacy), Trump immediately had criticisms, and they weren’t so much against Fiorina as the delusion of Cruz to pick a VP in the first place. “First of all, you have to look — Cruz can’t win,” Trump told supporters during a rally at the Indiana State Fairground. “What’s he doing picking vice presidents? He can’t win.”

While that shade might not be as harsh or dirty as attacking his wife’s looks, calling him a “pussy,” or accusing his dad of helping assassinate a former president, the blatant lack of faith in Cruz’s political abilities is the cornerstone of their frenemy-ship.

So I am left wondering — does Cruz intend to get revenge through his speech and the National Republican Convention? Will the two men finally wrestle and make up (or make-out)? Will Ted Cruz crumple under the pressure and endorse Trump?

All this remains to be seen, but what we know for sure is their relationship has been a very rocky road.