An Avocado Shortage Is Coming, So Get That Guac While You Can

As you dip chips into delicious guacamole, you better savor that shit because there’s an avocado shortage coming, which means no more superfood for you. OK, that’s a little extreme, but avocados are probably going to get more expensive than they already are, which totally sucks. Because who doesn’t want avocado on all of the things? As with most problems, you can blame it on the weather — a heatwave in California is totally fucking with your lunch. According to The Los Angeles Times, average temperatures of around 113 degrees (god damn, that sounds terrible) and winds have created just a fucking dry-ass situation for avocado farms.

Trees are burnt, the fruit can’t be sold, tumbleweeds are blowing around, and all the farmers are just sitting around, chewing on dry grass, and waiting for it to rain. Well, not the last part, but apparently it’s pretty bad. Tom Bellamore, president of the California Avocado Commission said that it’s not just a temporary shortage either, because trees are complicated and they are that messed up. “After the heat, it takes a while for the effects to manifest themselves, so at this point, we’re uncertain if there is a loss or not to next year’s crop,” he told The Los Angeles Times.

Southern California is where 90 percent of America’s avocados come from, too. But! There is an upside to all of this. First of all, the Avocado Commission is still shipping “dropped” fruit, the avocados that just fall off the tree. Usually, you want “picked” fruit, but they’re salvaging what they can for the market.

Also, in a strange twist of events, American avocados aren’t usually sold in American grocery stores because trade deals are so fucked up. American avocados get sent to Europe, so really, there’s an avocado shortage in Europe, not say, in New York City (which is all I care about, sorry guys).

Avocados you buy are mainly grown in Mexico, which I find rather amusing. You just know there is some asshole — maybe even the man himself — who wants to build a wall to keep Mexicans out of the country (who most likely pick the American avocados, too) who licks his lips at Chipotle every time he wants to get fancy and add avocado, when they all come from Mexico. It’s like making music snobs listen to the Ryan Adams’ version of 1989, and when they tell you they “really like his lyrical technique” or some bullshit, you reveal that it’s actually a Taylor Swift song, but I digress.

Also, just for the record, the billions of dollars worth of avocados we import from Mexico are delicious, but they come with a lot of baggage. People kill each other in Mexico over avocado farms, because it’s actually a more lucrative product than marijuana. It’s like blood diamonds, Mexican style.

Instead of freaking out about a lack of avocados, maybe more over-educated white people (the main consumers of the fruit) do something about the drought and heat wave in America. Or not. Spending more money on avocado toast than your Bloody Mary at brunch and complaining about it is a whole lot easier. Do you, avocado lovers.