Elizabeth Warren Asks J.K. Rowling For A Job At Her Newest School Of Magic
Even superstar Senator Elizabeth Warren is fed up with this presidential election. Warren asked J.K. Rowling for a job at her newest school of magic, trying to escape to a fantasy world before Donald Trump potentially takes over the Oval Office and sets off a chain of global catastrophes. Despite her role campaigning for Hillary Clinton, Warren is just as scared as all the people buying property in Canada and practicing their “aboat” and “eh” accents.
In response to a Boston Globe story about Rowling’s latest story taking place in Massachusetts, the Massachusetts senator tweeted at the author: “Looking for a Defense Against the Dark Arts prof, @jk_rowling? Where do I apply? Trump, Death Eaters – I got this!” The story, posted on pottermore.com this week, is about an American school of magic — Ilvermorny School of Witchcraft and Wizardry — and since it’s close to home, Warren figured she might as well switch careers and work at Ilvermorny.
After all, she does have experience fighting off evil, as she pointed out. If she loses the battle against Trump (because, unfortunately, she doesn’t have the power to control people’s votes), she could pack up her Senate office and relocate to Ilvermorny to keep defending the nation against dark forces.
Warren seems to like her government career, turning down progressive pleas to run for president in order to stay in the Senate, but Trump can inspire extreme reactions. The Democrat’s made her feelings about the billionaire-turned-politician pretty clear, and comparing him to Death Eaters is one was her best insults yet. But, that deep hatred means she won’t be able to bear calling him Mr. President if he manages to win in November.
Perhaps campaigning against Trump made Warren realize how much she likes fighting evil, and that passion inspired the application for a Defense Against the Dark Arts position. After one of her ruthless speeches bashing his intelligence and overall personality, she could have said to herself, “Hey, I’m pretty good at this. Maybe I should start fighting mythical bad guys as well as real ones.” You never know.
In all seriousness, Warren can do pretty much anything, so I don’t doubt her abilities to beat off Trump or Lord Voldemort. Ilvermorny would be in excellent hands if she was on staff, though Washington D.C. would definitely experience a sharp decline toward hell if the progressive queen left town. For that reason, let’s hope she doesn’t get the job.