This Math Professor Has Sired 22 Kids By Donating His Sperm To Women In New York City Public Bathrooms

There are lots of shitty people in this world, so it’s nice to come across a guy like 40-year-old Ari Nagel, a City University of New York math professor who donates his sperm and has sired 22 kids. In just twelve years, he’s fathered almost two dozen babies, mainly with single women and lesbian couples, giving women without a man the chance to become mothers while avoiding the exorbitant costs of going through sperm banks and doctors. Of course, issues are bound to arise when you have that many children with that many women, but overall, Nagel is helping New York’s women reproduce on their own terms (and masturbating a lot).

Nagel has one kid with an ex-girlfriend, but all of the others are from his donated sperm. He got into the sperm business twelve years ago when a friend of his from the Upper West Side of New York City was trying to have a baby on her own. It was easy enough for him to have a kid, so he decided to go to a sperm bank, where he found out he is fertile as fuck. Now, he works only by word of mouth, like a SoulCycle instructor. Free of charge. That’s right ladies, Nagel will just hand over some sperm to help get you knocked up.

This sperm-spewing Robin Hood lives in downtown Brooklyn and will meet women in Target or Starbucks and go jerk off in the bathroom — “not one where they’re knocking,” he told The New York Post  — and hand it off to the woman who gets it up her cervix real quick. So, that’s what people are doing in the Starbucks bathroom when you’re waiting three fucking hours to pee. Nagel also goes at it the “old fashioned way,” by fucking women. He says with lesbian couples, they often all climb into bed together. Poor, poor Nagel. He’s sacrificing so much for the common good.

He’s a professor with good looks and a high sperm count — 85 million per millimeter, which is “off the charts,” according to him — and apparently the women don’t find this whole public bathroom setup a drawback. “He’s a lot of fun to be around, he loves people, he’s outgoing, and he’s gorgeous,” said one woman who had a daughter with her wife using Nagel’s seed. Some of the women even call him when they’re going into labor.

Apparently, he’s not doing it just to jerk off in public bathrooms or sleep with lesbian couples. He just likes “spreading his seed.” He told The New York Post, “I feel like [I’m] getting all the joy, but also getting a good night’s rest.” And also all of the child support.

Apparently, his mission to just father an entire village out of good will isn’t always clear. Out of 22 women, five of them have sued him for child support because they expected to be co-parenting with him. They must be the ones who actually had sex with him, because it’s hard to believe you could take a Starbucks espresso cup full of cum and expect like, a commitment. And it doesn’t stop at alimony — according to one mother from the Bronx, some of the women get catty and jealous about the amount of time their kid spends with Nagel. So while it’s all good that Nagel wants to lend a helping, ahem, hand, he might want to start being more clear about his role as strictly a sperm donor. It’s one thing to graciously help women get pregnant by donating sperm and an entirely different thing to lead women on about co-parenting a prospective baby you have no intention of fathering.

It’s a great thing that he’s ready, willing, and able to share his sperm with so many women. Masturbation is my favorite activity and it should be everyone else’s, too. It’s just the location that’s getting to me — the image of a guy jerking off in a Starbucks while a single 45-year-old woman waits close by has just ruined my appetite for that coffee I was waiting for (mostly because I know how dirty those bathrooms can be). But you do you, Nagel. At least you’re helping women that desperately want to have babies become mothers.

Tags: sperm