This Dating Site For Trump Supporters Is Really A Blessing In Disguise

Are you single? Do you love going on long walks on beaches eroded by carbon emissions while an unkempt man yells at you about how America is going down the tubes? If you answered yes, this new dating site for Trump supporters might be right up your alley.

The website, predictably named TrumpSingles.com, was opened by a libertarian with the first name Richard (because of course) who found dating was difficult when he was forced to sift through all the humans to find a similarly sentient trash bag to dry hump while throwing back shots of Fireball. Apparently, Richard (who prefers his last name remain anonymous) was not alone in his struggle to find a casual white supremacist to get busy with, as the website is reported to already have upwards of 500 members. While the concept of a dating website that effectively combines the thinly veiled racism of WhitePeopleMeet with the antiquated values and sexual repression of ChristianMingle is horrifying in concept, it may be a blessing in disguise for the rest of us.

After all, now that there’s a neat and tidy place where the thirsty Trump supporters can gather to get laid or find love, the rest of us are statistically less likely to encounter the nightmare of accidentally swiping right on a man or woman who can’t decipher Voldemort from Trump.

Unsurprisingly, TrumpSingles.com reports zero minorities registered on the dating site, meaning it is fully a bastion of ignorant white hell with disproportionate amounts of unbearable straight people from the D.C. and New York areas (RUN!).

The registration fee is a low $4.95 a month, so if you’re looking to fully immerse yourself in a crowd of digital sweat and hatred, you can manage it all while saving money to purchase new anti-gay bumper stickers for your truck.

Really though, the existence of this dating site is the spiritual equivalent of a flashing red sign emblazoned with the words “CAUTION: USERS MAY EXPERIENCE RAPID SOUL-DEATH.”

The idea that it’s “difficult” to date as a Trump supporter because other Americans who don’t blatantly support xenophobic and misogynistic policies are somehow “close-minded” shows just how far gone so many of his supporters are. The gap in American politics is ever widening, at least on the public scale (I mean, there’s always been a huge divide), and that gap now includes the lonely bodies of single conservatives — longing for the touch of someone who won’t wince at their collection of Trump memorabilia.