Demi Lovato & Wilmer Valderrama Break Up Because Love Is Cruel & Terrible

There must be something in the air because Demi Lovato and Wilmer Valderrama’s breakup this weekend is the third celeb split in a few weeks. Lovato and Valderrama join Calvin and Taylor and Gigi and Zayn in breakup land. It always totally blows when a couple calls it quits, and mad respect for Taylor and Gigi, but Lovato and Valderrama’s split hits a littler bit harder. They were together for six years (which means that she was like 17 years old and he was 30 when they met but whatever). Six years is a really, really long time especially when you’re barely 21. They were also, by all accounts, pretty gosh darned in love — like chirpy birds and rainbows kind of in love. Or at least that’s what it looked like from the outside.

Just last summer, Lovato said in an interview that she would definitely marry Valderrama if he asked. In January, there were some rumors that they did actually secretly marry, but obviously that was not the case. Valderrama said in an interview this winter that their love is based on a “beautiful” friendship and that their relationship works. “All I did was love her exactly when she needed me to love her,” he told Entertainment Tonight. Meh, I don’t know how I feel about logic, but it does look like they are actually planning on being BFFs still.

A photo posted by Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) on

The couple each posted a note to fans about their split, saying it was an “incredibly difficult decision” and that they will always be “supportive” of each other. It makes it sounds like they’re deciding to not like, attend someone’s party because there’s a better one they have to go to. “Incredibly difficult decision,” where’s the crying, binge text messaging, storming out to go get a drink with your friends in that? Do people just do this better than me? Am I missing something? “We’ll always be supportive,” Lovato and her beau say. Mmmhmm, sure.

I mean, I know eventually both parties have to agree (or surrender?) and the breakup always becomes a “mutual” decision, but when someone suggests ending a relationship, it sucks. It’s not like they’re sitting you down to talk about whether or not to have Italian or Mexican for dinner, because both of those options are at least palatable.

When someone wants to break up you also have two options in my book: break up messily or break up semi-messily. Like get a load of Gigi. She’s not doing great — she is lip syncing “Pillowtalk,” one of her recent ex’s songs on Maybelline’s Snapchat.

That’s uncomfortable and awkward, but at least it’s human. That’s the kind of shit I can understand. I get that celebrities have to keep things classy and palatable so they don’t get thrown around gossip mags and blogs. But Demi Lovato would have to be most mature 23-year-old ever, because this looks all too clean for me. If there’s one thing about relationships, is that most of them end terribly, until they don’t.