Time Inc. Needs A Bacon Critic, But Competition For The Job Is Bound To Be Extra Crispy

Do you love bacon? Do you love giving your unsolicited praise or slander about bacon to anyone who will listen? Do you have writing chops? If so, then the search for your dream is officially over! Time Inc. is looking for a freelance bacon critic for their new breakfast-based website Extra Crispy. This is not a drill nor a joke. It’s the real deal!

The publisher known for major brands like Fortune and Time revealed Extra Crispy June 1, and the new brand’s first major mission is to find someone to cover the greatest breakfast food of all time — bacon. Crispy, yummy bacon. According to the website, the Extra Crispy freelance bacon critic will do a three month stint with the website and focus on “researching, writing about, obsessing over, and critiquing bacon.” The lucky person chosen for the bacon beat has to have excellent writing skills and will cover how bacon is used in both breakfast and brunch dishes and drinks, as well as its overall impact on culture.

The freelance bacon critic will also determine what bacon is the best in America. The catch? Besides living in the U.S., there really isn’t one. It’s a paid position, and Extra Crispy is waiting for the right person who has an “unmistakable voice, sense of adventure, and an insatiable hunger – for bacon.” What a time to be alive!

Imagine all the things you will learn as a bacon journalist. You can wow your friends with your knowledge of the different flavors and cuts of bacon and eat them all for free-ninety-nine. You’ll have the best Twitter bio in the universe and become a legend among humans (no, the job description doesn’t say this, but that doesn’t mean its not true).

If you want to join the masses of people vying for this awesome opportunity, you’ll need to write a short essay (less than 600 words) about your favorite bacon related memory and submit it to the email address on the website by June 24.

Don’t worry though — if you don’t land the bacon critic spot, maybe one of these dream jobs will one day become a reality:

Netflix Series Binger

Yes, people in the U.K. and Ireland had a chance to be paid Netflix taggers. Don’t you wish someone would just pay you to watch Netflix for the hell of it?
Twitter Shade Thrower

Shade is a way of life in the Twitterverse. While some celebs and people with high follower counts are paid for some of their tweets, wouldn’t you like to get a small check each time you have to throw out a tea worthy tweet?

Sexy Wine Drinker

Imagine how awesome it would be to sit around in sexy clothes, drink wine, and get paid for it. If you are at home, you can watch Netflix and throw shade — three jobs at the same damn time.

Good luck, my fellow bacon lovers. I will be eternally jealous of whomever gets this job.