This Craigslist “Missed Connection” Isn’t As Feminist As It Was Made Out To Be
Any woman who’s ever been with her friends in a club knows that it can be like playing whack-a-mole with dudes on the dance floor. Bros creep, they leer, and they think the bad lighting will work in their favor. One man in Wisconsin saw this with his very own two eyes and wrote a sort-of, kind-of feminist “missed connection” post to a mystery woman he watched perform this feat on a recent night out with her friends at a bar called The Merchant in Madison.
He wrote that he saw five guys separately approach her and her friends and her tear each one apart “like a Thanksgiving turkey.” The first four she fended off with a little body action (we all know that classic blocking move) and a dig at Guy Number Four’s bad jacket.
A fifth guy approached during an unfortunate moment. According to the post writer, the woman went all Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes on him and sung the chorus of TLC’s No Scrubs right in his face. Only in Madison, Wisconsin would No Scrubs be playing at 1 a.m. in a club (if not at my local New York City dive bar after I’ve had too many beers and someone gives me a dollar for the jukebox). The original post lauds the woman for being the angel she is and protecting her and her friends’ night out. Which, obviously, she is.
Someone, possibly the woman in question, possibly some other woman who was moved by the guy’s observation on the internet, responded with a thoughtful, multi-paragraph response.
She reminded the original writer that women aren’t threatened or objectified just on the dance floor, but everywhere. She closed her post by writing, “If men truly knew what women endured every single fucking day of our lives I think they would be bowing at our feet, begging us for forgiveness.” Then she added, “I am proud to be a warrior but I am fucking tired. I’m ready for men to hold their brothers accountable, to hold themselves accountable, to rise to this moment in history and say ENOUGH. “
This “missed connection” conversation has been passed around the internet with cheers for the original post writer as a feminist warrior himself. But he’s not really. Sure, it’s nice that he noticed. Everyone needs to get woke. And it probably wasn’t the perfect time or place for him to actually say something to the other men in the name of his personal safety amidst five eager and horny bros dancing to No Scrubs somewhere in Wisconsin.
However, writing an anonymous post in one of the sleaziest places on the internet — M4W Missed Connections on Craigslist, come on — doesn’t really do anyone any good except for possibly stroking this guy’s ego, while he was probably stroking himself thinking of the woman, who he wrote in a bullet point list at the end of his post was a “super hot,” “good ass” dancer wearing a tight green dress and red lipstick. All of that is equally as creepy as dudes in sparkly blazers dancing to No Scrubs (I cannot get enough of this soundtrack to the whole ordeal) approaching a woman who obviously is having enough fun by herself.
Instead, the original poster, by his own admission, was the dude bouncing around by himself staring at this entire scene without saying one goddamn thing to anyone. You don’t have to hold the guys up by their necks John McClane-style, but I would bet $10 dollars if we had a shot of the dance floor that night and armed ten women with red Sharpies to circle every creeper, he would have been one of them.
The woman’s response, apart from just laying out what most feminists understand about rape culture, also noted the fact that “men need to hold their brothers accountable.” Those five guys probably weren’t this “missed connection” writer’s brothers, and we all know what happens when alcohol, bad pop music, and an overload of testosterone are mixed together. So, OK, the guy maybe did the right thing, right then. But even telling a bouncer or an eye roll to the women to show that he could commiserate with him or something would be better than an anonymous post. It’s cool this guy noticed, but he might want to check himself before bragging to his sisters about his late night “missed connection” action.
In her response, the woman writes, “when I am dancing, it is not for the arousal or entertainment of the men who creep up behind me, who watch from the corners of the room, who form a circle around me and my friends, it is for me.” That includes you too, Mr. Missed Connection. If you see something, say something. And don’t disguise asking for sex in some pseudo-feminist dribble on the internet as feminism.