How Does Ramsey Bolton Die On ‘Game of Thrones’? Here Are 7 Appropriately Brutal Theories

We’re all agreed that the worst person in the entire world is Ramsay Bolton from Game of Thrones, right? Like, playing “how does Ramsey Bolton die” guessing games with our friends is everyone’s favorite thing, correct? OK, just making sure we’re all on the same page. This dude is clearly the worst, through and through, and he keeps getting worse. For the first few seasons, I thought Joffrey was the worst, because he sucked. He sucked hard. Yet when he died, I felt the tiniest of pangs; he was calling for his mother, reminding me that he was still a child. I was still happy to see him go (GOODBYE), but there was a part of me that wondered whether he could have eaten it in a slightly less pathetic way.

Then Ramsay Bolton came along, and I realized I had never known hate until that moment. His prolonged exercise of physical and psychological torture actually made us sympathize with Theon Greyjoy, former Douchebag of Westeros. I can’t imagine anything that would ever, ever get me to feel even the smallest tinge of pity for the Bastard of Bolton. Congratulations, Game of Thrones: In your quest to destroy my humanity, you’ve outdone yourself.

As a result, I’ve spent too much time thinking about how I want Ramsay to die, and based on conversations with my friends, it seems I’m not alone in this. I hope he dies brutally. Horribly. Ironically. Maybe in a way that involves the old dick-in-a-box technique. Any or all of those would be fine with me.

So, Benioff and Weiss, if you’re reading, here are some ideas you can use (but if any of these show up on TV, I want a creator credit):

Gets his junk cut off by Theon and bleeds to death

Retribution!

Tied to his own BDSM St. Andrew’s cross 

Sansa kicks in his crotch until he dies. Retribution, part 2!

His creepy hunting dogs snap and attack him

And then, naturally, eat him from the feet up.

Bran and Rickon team-up to take him out

Bran somehow finds out that Rickon is at the Dreadfort, boosts up his psychic powers, wargs into Ramsay, and drives him toward where Rickon is waiting with some kind of sharp object. He wargs back out in time for Ramsay to realize what’s happening, just as Rickon stabs the Wasteman of Bolton in the throat. Then Bran wargs into the nearest person and remotely high-fives Rickon. Roll credits.

Another Bran one, but instead of teaming up with Rickon…

…he gets into Ramsay’s mind and forces him to experience the psychological and physical pain he’s inflicted on his victims, all at once. Sansa and Theon kick him off the parapet on the count of three. Fade to black. (Full disclosure: I may have borrowed this from Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely’s comic All-Star Superman.)

Flay his ass!

Sansa and Arya do to him what his family does to its enemies. Arya offers to kill him on her sister’s behalf — she’s already a murderer, after all — but Sansa says no, she has to do it herself, and drives the skinning knife through his eye and into his brain.

The worst death of all: death by disappointed father

Melisandre uses her shadow-baby blood magic to resurrect Roose “The Roose is Loose” Bolton. He rocks up to Castle Torture and, in his nonchalant way, tells Ramsay that he should never have been born and that he’ll die a Snow, not a Bolton. Never a Bolton. Then he goes back to being dead, because he is also awful. Ramsay does a Darth Vader-style “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” before flinging himself off the parapet (I just really like the word “parapet”). As the camera zooms in on his dead face, we see a single tear trickling from his eye and freezing in the winter cold.

Screw you, Ramsay. For real.