This Non-Fuck-Giving Woman Lives With A 1,000-Pound Bison In Her House

The reality of being a dedicated pet-owner is already an involved one. Depending on the pet, you can find yourself spending hours a week feeding and grooming and cleaning up after your animal, not to mention playing and training and posing for Klout-accruing Instagram photos. Pets are a lot of work by nature, which makes it even more absurd that there is a woman with a 1,000 pet bison that roams freely through her house and on her three-acre property.

The pet-owner in question is named Karen Schoeve and has managed to care for her bison, Bullet, while maintaining a full-time job as a court reporter and also caring for her two ponies, Deuteronomy and Bam-Bam. In a profile on Dallas News, Schoeve shared that while she’s absolutely loved caring for Bullet, at this point she needs to lighten her load 1,000 pounds and send him to a new home.

Naturally, the majority of us non-bison owners have a shitload of questions. Does she live in fear of being clobbered to death? How many times has she been forced to clean her entire house after Bullet decided to romp indoors?!

“Scary? No, she’s not scary,” Schoeve said, assuring the doubters. “She’s got a great personality.”

Although quickly after, she did mention that Bullet recently ate her Mother’s Day flowers. So prospective buyers beware.

For any and all interested in filling their life with the excitement of a 1,000 lb Bison with an appetite for floral arrangement, Schoeve has Bullet listed on Craigslist at $5,950 and has a strict cash only policy.

While Schoeve’s slightly “brave,” slightly fucking batshit pet-ownership is certainly unique, she’s not alone in her exotic pet proclivities.

Just a couple years back there was Florida woman, Janice Haley, who keeps two Bengal tigers as pets in her garden. The tigers named Janda and Saber reportedly “get on great” in her large caged backyard in Orlando, where she feeds them large slabs of meat daily and even photographs them socializing with puppies. As you can see here, she is just as comfortable with her tigers as Schoeve is with her bison.

While these two modern examples of exotic pet ownership have yet to end badly and in the case of Karen likely won’t as she’s getting rid of Bullet, the scenario of eccentric women owning potentially fatal animals reminds me of the tiger attack from the film Roar.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t take a history of violence for an exotic pet to turn on its owner. This was made extremely apparent to the 70-year-old Charla Nash who lost a majority of her face when she was attacked by her friend and neighbor’s 200-lb pet chimp Travis.

How long is too long to test the gentleness of an animal that was never meant to be domesticated? Hopefully these women never find out.