There Is Now A Burger King Spa For Those Looking To Sweat Out More Meat

Have you ever found yourself sitting under the fluorescent lights of a fast food restaurant thinking, if only there were a sauna downstairs so I could sweat out this chili dog in the presence of naked strangers?! If so, you’re in luck because a Burger King in Finland is opening a spa. No, your hearing and reading comprehension aren’t compromised, this is a real development in our world that can potentially revolutionize the way we intake garbage particles masquerading as food!

The visionary Burger King in Helsinki has added accommodations for a 15-person sauna in the basement of their restaurant, which is perfect for those birthday parties where you and 10 of our closest friends have the hankering to expedite death with an affordable meal only to quickly follow that meal with an intimate sweat-session.

Really, nothing says living in the lap of luxury quite like dabbing your neck-sweat with a Burger King towel after quickly ingesting chicken strips that you know are secretly made from Play-Doh. How much does this fabulous experience cost, you may ask? Well, besides the inevitable cost of airfare for those of us located outside of Finland, the price tag for three full hours of sweaty Burger King bliss rounds to about $283 US dollars. Truly a steal, if you’re looking to creatively excise your dignity.

As you can see by the photos, when planning out the spa’s color scheme and decor, Burger King decided to stick to what they’re good at: abrasive primary colors. But really, the over-the-top level of senseless #branding involved in opening a spa with Burger King towels, Burger King colors, screens displaying their glowing logo. I understand the whole point of the spa is to garner more revenue for Burger King and expand their image, but couldn’t image expansion include wooden benches that don’t look like they’re props for the Blue Man Group?

In a statement released on their website Burger King Finland said:

“A 15-person sauna area is perfect for a group of friends for social gatherings or work, venue for the birthday party, or even the organization of the show studio.”

While the statement is true on it’s own — a 15-person sauna is in fact a great spot for friends — the specifics of going to a spa right after eating at Burger King automatically triggers visualizations of people sweating out condiments and letting off mysterious fumes from the chemicals. Do you really cleanse your mystery meats in the presence of strangers?!